My last set of funny or misprinted Ads...

I love wine, but I'm pretty picky about what I'll drink. It has to be red and it has to be cheap. See, I'm not a connoisseur but a wino, so obviously I don't know what a good wine is supposed to taste like. But let me just say, my $5 bottles of Cabernet do not taste like cat pee. Maybe that's supposed to be a good thing? But I'll still to my cheap stuff without essence of cat piss, thank you.

I don't know how well you can read this, but it's congratulating this man for pleasing 15 women for an entire day! "we were all exhausted and very satisfied..." Uh, wow, George Brownbridge is a machine! Wait, they printed an apology retraction. He just took them shopping. Well I don't know about you, but I'd rather go shopping anyway.

 Mmmm, yummy. Beef round thing slices! Who doesn't love those? They have no idea what the hell they are, but they're fairly certain they're made of beef. But I'm not sure I can trust that something called 'thing slices' are a food I'd wanna try...

Another yummy! Eat kids free! But only on Monday's. That's when they get the new shipment of kindergartners in. Bring a knife and fork! I wonder if this is what the 'thing slices' are made of?

Arnie is pretty intimidating. If he was standing in a window watching me for hours and hours, I'd be worried too. If he wasn't made of freaking cardboard! Talk about the laugh the police must have gotten when they went to talk to the perp only to find out it was made of cardboard...

What is with all these places and things offering Mammograms?? This is at least the third ad I've posted that mentions them. Now you can get your boobs checked while you pump gas and buy a Slushie? That's a full service station!

 Doesn't this just make you wanna run out and work at Subway? My dreams are already crushed, thank you very much. I don't need a job that makes me wanna jump off a bridge!

I would really like to know how freaking BIG this burrito was, and what exactly it was made of, to be mistaken for a newborn baby. I mean, huh? How? Was the person reporting this travesty legally blind or forgot their Coke bottle glasses that day? Chipotle has some big ass burritos, but they aren't as big as a baby. Plus they don't have faces and shit either. WTF? Bet the cops were super relieved but also annoyed like, "Are you even fucking serious?" when they saw the burrito.

Here's a wonderful ad for a lovely china cabinet. It has some cat scratches, but don't worry, the cat has been killed for it's crimes. And you know when you kill a cat, any scratches it made on something totally disappear. That's the magic of cats. Ugh. Some people. Poor kitty. He can keep the stupid cabinet!

I'm so glad I found this ad. My collection of old people was really small and this guy is selling the whole lot of them! I can't wait to see all those grandmas and grandpas sitting on my shelves....

 Please come to the Cook County Forest Preserve and bring the family to commune with nature. Just watch out for the occasional corpse lying around. You can always just scoot that to the side and lay out your picnic, right?

I wouldn't doubt it. Don't all men? But doesn't he have a horde of bimbos playing with them for him?





That's all folks! I'm outta Ads. I  hope you got a good laugh.

Latest Installment of Funny Ads for Your Pleasure

I love cats, but something about this picture tells me "Lilly" might not be so good with kids or adults or humankind. I'm fairly certain she wants us all dead.

This sounds like a fun family day out! A watermelon and pet eating contest! I hope no one invites Lilly from above, because I think she'll be the one doing the eating!

Don't panic anyone. Chicken at large! May be armed and carrying a knife. It could be a Foster Farms chicken, so be very cautious.

Finally a house I could probably afford! It's a 'fixer upper', but who can't work wonders with a pile of old sticks lying in a forest? It is very rustic, that's for sure. I'm fairly certain the castaways on Survivor have built better 'homes' than this pile of shit.

Apparently a lot of people feel much more comfortable driving with hermaphrodites or something than they do male or female drivers. Who knew?

No shit, the seller is very motivated to sell this piece of kindling! It definitely won't last long, and in fact, is probably already a pile of ashes. But it is a lovely house. Just be careful of the torrential firestorm in the background.

What a lovely homeless shelter. Plenty of room for people to stay and sleep, as long as they don't lay down. Who doesn't mind standing up to sleep? It's better than the street right? No, not really. At least you can lay down in an alley!

Burger Kind and McDonald's have something common. The secret ingredient to their success is adding people to the burgers! I'm never eating fast food again.

This is a bit hard to read at this sizing, but the caption says at the bottom, "Cereal pieces do not fly without assistance." Really? This isn't magic cereal? I have to break out my Harry Potter wand to make it fly? Rip off.

Mmm, yummy! Butchered peasants! Taste so much better than the upper class.

How quaint. Just where I want to eat. At a restaurant owned by a murdered who likes dismembering people! I wouldn't order the Jambalaya...who know who's in there?

You know you love your kids when you buy them a $109,000 play structure with three bedrooms and two baths. Although, I'm not seeing where they've hidden those...but the slide is nice.

Another Installment of Funny Ads

Okay, why is a funeral home's mascot a giant hot dog squirting mustard at people? Do they do funny funerals there? Are they clowns? People dressed up as hot dogs? I'm kind of confused here...

Apparently this dentist not only cleans teeth, but they have a time machine as well. Go in as a six year old and come out as a 30 year old housewife. Not sure I'd want that, but thanks.

Here's a wonderful product. A cutting board that's easy to clean and hygienic. Oh except it's not actually suitable for chopping food on. Well gee, I guess that's why it's so easy to clean! You can't actually use it. I guess it's just a decorative cutting board to hang on the wall...

This amazing cordless phone not only has Caller ID, but Caller IQ! Now you can weed out all the calls from your idiot relatives or friends you can't stand. It tells you their IQ before you answer. And only for $19.99!

Put a smile on her face? She looks like she's been roofied or else wants to die, or both. I don't think she's feeling the keyboard, and it's not music in her heart, but crippling despair...

Alright, what exactly is your dentist doing to you that makes you fit into your favorite jeans again? Or, how fucked up were your teeth that you couldn't fit into your jeans? Were they like tusks that descended below your waistline?  Something doesn't quite add up with this shady dentist...

 Al Gore resurfaces! One, I didn't know he was gone. And two, where the fuck did he come from? The Scum Pits of Hell? I guess that's what happens when you lose a presidential election. You move to a nice mud pit front property in Hell.

I've been looking for a cool car that speaks Spanish. My Chevy only speaks English and it's so boring. But I'd think a Honda would speak Japanese...

This cocky bastard is advertising a 1995 Nissan Maxima with all the fixings. But hey, it's not for sale. Apparently he just wanted to brag a lot about the car he owned. Well let me tell you something pal, a $4500 95 Maxima isn't impressing the ladies much. Let me know when you get a Ferrari k? Or better yet, a Delorean time machine. THEN you can brag.

What fun! Mother & Daughter PJ Night! I wasn't going to go, but when I saw I could bring my favorite Mexican, I couldn't resist. I think I'm gonna bring Jose the lawn boy. He'll have a blast!

I'm sorry, but this Santa looks like he's choking the life out of this dog and wants to eat him. And judging by the look on the dogs face, he knows this too. Can't wait to take my pets to meet this Evil Santa!

Only a $1.69 for 2 lbs of whole peeled baby? I usually pay far more for my babies, and they don't even come peeled! I usually have to do that myself.

 This sounds like a shitty ass deal. Buy three items and then get only one? I think I'll pass...

Interesting. Out of 40 women only two were female? There's obviously a lot Transgender people in the Seanate! I wonder who they are? Scandalous!

More Hilarious Ads For Your Amusement....

Finally an eye remover that's gentle! I always found that gouging my eyes out with a spork hurt a little too much, but now for less than $5 bucks I can remove my eyes gently.

I don't know what this product is, but do not use it for any purpose! Just let the product be. It wants to be alone. So just go away and put it on a shelf.

Am I the only one wondering why a band instrument store is showing a pair of legs with their pants pulled down?? Is there some instrument you play with your crotch? I'm a little worried to find out, especially since they also sell 'used' items. Ick.

This dude must seriously work for Bounty or something. Who the hell says, "I used Bounty, the quicker picker upper!" when describing shoving paper towels into someones bullet wounds? Some dude almost died, but thank god the man with the quicker picker upper was there! And inferior Wal-Mart brand of towel would probably have killed this guy...

I've never been to Wisconsin, but I'm fairly certain North America doesn't have wild elephants roaming around...

Apparently George Bush forgot where his heart was located.. Or else he was just thinking, "Damn it, I'm hungry. When will this shit be over so I can get some KFC?"

Hey, at least this product company is honest and doesn't try to sell too hard. Buy their shitty supplements and 10% of you will be satisfied. The other 90% will realize they just wasted their money on Tic Tacs disguised as vitamins.

Yummy! What a rare delicacy these children are cooking up for our eating pleasure. Grandparent Stew!

This is when you know the Zombie Apocalypse is a real thing...

We sure have some geniuses working at the NTSB huh? They think the crash occurred when the plane hit the actual ground? I'd never figure that out! I'd assume it struck a cloud and burst apart, or ran into a flying dragon or something. But hitting the ground causes a crash? Learn something new every day...

 I don't know what food that is, but I'm not anxious to try it. It's spelled wrong, either way you look at it, but I don't want the genitals of Tso's chicken. Pass.

Amazing work this place is doing! Is this like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Helping you forget unpleasant stuff?  "We'll help you forget you ever forgot everything!" So if she forgot she forgot everything, then what does she remember? I'm so confused.

 This is SO useful. I practice reading with fake dogs a lot and they just sit there and don't even bark. How am I supposed to learn to read? But a REAL dog could cure my illiteracy in no time!

Ah yes, that timeless gift you give your family. Your funeral. Seriously if your family is this excited about your funeral and consider it a gift, they probably hate your guts. Just saying...

This is what happens when the weather reporter just doesn't give a fuck anymore. "Eh, Monday there will be weather of some sort. Who cares what kind. Look out a window people. Do I have to do everything?" Geesh.


Hope you enjoyed these! I've got enough saved up for several more installments! Aren't these the best? Please comment and/or feel free to share this blog with your friends who like funny stuff!