When you work in a convenience store, you always gotta wonder if you're gonna be robbed. At least that's how I see it. It seems like on TV and movies, those are always the places that the robbers choose, and to be honest, I don't know what the hell I'd do if that happened. Except give them whatever I could give them and hope they didn't kill me. Some nights everyone looks like a suspect. And other nights, it's a more gentle sort of crowd. But even the people who look normal might be criminals. You just never know!
Last night there was some dude who was sketchy as hell hanging around the store. He got a cup of coffee and then just stood in the store for almost 40 minutes. He was just there. And he looked like the goddamn Unabomber. He had a grey hoodie, messy curly hair and a mustache. The glasses were missing but still! And he was just STANDING there.
I kept looking at him, and he'd pretend to pick up an item and look at it. Then I went over and said hi and he just nodded at me. Then he moved over to another part of the store and I followed him, because I felt certain he was either gonna steal something or rob the place. Who the hell goes into a store and just stands there for 40 minutes when it's a place designed to run in and run out as quickly as possible?
Turns out, I think he wanted free coffee. He drank a whole cup, then got more, and I pretended I didn't notice. But even after he was on his second cup, he still didn't leave. He just wandered around and stared at stuff for another fifteen minutes or so. And my co-worker went on her dinner break, so I was alone with this freak show. I was planning what to do if he pulled a gun or something. But in the end he bought a candy bar and cigarettes and FINALLY left. But he was still creepy as fuck. I think maybe my eagle eyes on him stopped him from stealing. Unless he did steal and I just didn't see him. It wouldn't be the first time. People steal sunglasses constantly and I've never caught them.
One night some weirdo came in who looked like a total dork and he was with his sketch as hell friend in a hoodie (which in all fairness this time of year everyone looks like a criminal in their hoodies) but I didn't really know what to think of the friend, but I thought the other guy was just a dorky nutter.
Like Napoleon Dynamite and Pedro with his pornstache. That was the two of them. And Napoleon dude kept asking us for obscure cigarettes that I'd never heard of. And neither had my manager. He talked and talked and talked and then Pedro walked up and I asked, "are you together?" Just making sure he wasn't someone I needed to help because they did not walk in together at first. But then Napoleon goes, "oh god, no, we're not lovers!" And Pedro made a gross face and shook his head. And I was like, "um, I didn't mean were you boyfriends, just together." DUH! Like I'd ask if they were a couple. None of my business! But apparently they wanted to make it clear they were not lovers, but friends. Only Pedro kept looking annoyed and making faces, and would wander off and then come back. And it wasn't until after they left I realized, neither of us was watching Pedro. We were too busy listening to Napoleon talk about cigarettes.
And outside in the carport, I found the tags to sunglasses lying on the ground. I bet you money he stole some. No one bought any, that's for sure. And my manager and I were both guilty of falling for the scam because we were so wrapped in how ridiculous the dorky guy was, we didn't even notice Pedro at first. He could have dumped beers in his hoodie and five pairs of glasses and candy and gum and we weren't looking at him. Pedro probably cleaned us out.
And we were too busy to even notice his sketchy self lurking around. That's why crooks are so clever. They don't always look or seem like criminals. In fact the ones who look like they might kill and/or rob you are probably the nicest people you'll meet. It's the ones who seem innocuous or just annoying that you gotta worry about.
But the shoplifters won't kill me at least. I'm more worried about armed robbers. I just have to hope that no one would bother to rob us for around $200 total because we routinely drop all our money into the safe. And I don't have keys to that. None of us do except the head honcho who is never there when we'd be robbed.
But have you ever thought about what you'd do if someone stuck a gun in your face and demanded money from you? I have. Way too many times as of late. I mean normally in life, I have no money so they can have my purse and my $30 in my bank account if they can use the ATM card somewhere. But they won't be living large off my purse.But when you work in a place robbers love, you have terrible fantasies. And I'm no hero. Fuck that. They can have the money! I'm not taking a bullet for some cash and smokes.
This dude shows up? The store is his. That's how I see it. And don't expect me to ever go back there either. But I have asked if they ever were robbed and apparently in twelve years at least, they never have been. Thanks the lord. That's pretty good odds I won't have to face this guy over here. But there's a first time for everything. Let's just hope it's not on my watch. I live in a pretty sleepy town, but shit occasionally goes down. It does everywhere. So you just never know. But if you hear on the news about a store being robbed and the heroic clerk who tackled the guy and saved the day, that's not gonna be me.
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