Disclaimer: I own
none of these characters. They belong to JK Rowling and company. I merely use
them for my own amusement and wish fulfillment. No copyright infringement intended.
Summary: It’s
back in sixth year in the late 70’s, and Severus Snape and Lily Evans haven’t
really been friends for a while. But one evening, Snape begs to speak to Lily
again and she obliges him. Set before she began dating James and after she’d
already stopped being friends with Snape. This is their one night together at
the edge of the forest that neither of them ever told anyone about.
Real For Us
It was just after hours, and Severus Snape was waiting in
the corridor near the entrance to the school, hoping that Lily would actually
show her face. He had pulled her aside after a Slug Club party the night
before, and asked her if they could speak. She had initially turned him down
and tried to walk away, but he told her he was sorry, and had things to tell
her. And he wondered if she’d meet him the next night when everyone else was
already in their dorms. He knew they both might get into trouble for wandering
the grounds after the curfew, but he was willing to risk it, if she was.
But
she was late. He was beginning to think she wouldn’t come after all. He was
disappointed because he had so much to explain and apologize for. He wanted to
really talk, and not just say a couple words at a crowded party. He needed to
be alone with her. But time was ticking away and he was nervous about being
caught. But just then he saw Lily peek her head around the corner, and then
come running down the corridor to where he stood. She ran up to him
breathlessly.
“Sorry I’m late. That stupid cat was following me, and I was
afraid that old codger Filch would find me,” she told him, gasping for breath.
“It’s alright. I just thought perhaps you’d changed your
mind about talking to me,” he admitted, glancing down at his shoes.
“No,” she shook her head. “Although, I don’t know what else
you can say. You already apologized.”
“Yes, but you barely accepted it. And I have to explain
things. It’s complicated,” he told her.
“Well I’m here. So explain yourself,” she said, crossing her
arms.
He put his hand on her shoulder and propelled her towards
the doors.
“We can’t talk in the castle. We need to go outside. I know
a place near the entrance to the forest where Filch never looks,” he informed
her.
“Oh, alright. You swear no one will catch us? I really don’t
need detention. I have a near perfect record, aside from that one infraction
first year. But I don’t even count that! I was new,” she pouted slightly.
“I promise we won’t get caught. Just follow me,” he said, as
they walked out of the castle together and onto the grounds.
He took her hand, which she accepted begrudgingly, and they
both took off running towards the forest before anyone could spot them. He let
go of her hand once they reached the place he spoke of, and he sat down on the
ground at the edge of the forest by a large tree. He motioned for her to do the
same. She sighed and sat down across from him and tucked her legs underneath
herself.
“So what do we need to talk about exactly?” she prodded him
curiously.
“Lily, I behaved abhorrently last year. I know I did. And I’m
so sorry,” he told her regretfully.
“Severus, you already told me that last night. And I said it
was water under the bridge,” she said with a dismissive hand wave.
“I know, but I really am
sorry. I only said the things I said because other people were around. I didn’t
want them to know how I felt for you. It was stupid. I’ve grown now,” he
assured her.
She laughed slightly. “Yes, you’re all grown. You’re sixteen
now.”
“It’s still older than I was then. And I realized how wrong
it was to say hurtful things to you, just because my so-called friends wouldn’t
approve of us being friendly.”
“Yeah? Well my friends don’t like you at all. Obviously. You
already know that,” she told him with a raised eyebrow.
“I do know. Especially that Potter boy and his sidekick,
Sirius. What a mark on the Black family tree that he’s a Gryffindor,” Snape
said, shaking his head.
“So what? You’re not helping your case. I’m a Gryffindor too,
you know. I thought this was an apology? And besides, I’m not really friends
with Potter. He’s a jerk. But Sirius and Remus are nice to me.”
“Remus? You do know what he is right? And that Sirius almost
got me killed by him once. They’re not
nice. The whole lot of them are complete pricks,” Snape said with irritation.
Lily sighed. “Yes, I know about Remus. And I know what
happened to you. But none of that really matters right now, does it? Is this
what you wanted to explain to me? That my friends are a bunch of pricks?” she
wondered with exasperation.
Snape shook his head. “No, forget them. That’s not what I
want to talk about. I wanted to explain how sometimes a boy does and says
stupid things to impress their friends. And that’s what happened with me. But I
regret it. And I don’t really think you’re a Mudblood.”
“Liar. Yes you do. I am
a Mudblood. But I remember when we were kids and you said it didn’t matter a
bit. Guess your friends changed your mind,” she said haughtily.
“They didn’t. That’s what I’m trying to explain. They’re the
ones who say that kind of stuff. Not me. I don’t know what made me say it
except I was angry. But I swear I think no less of you than I ever did,” he
promised her.
“Alright. Fine. I forgive you then. Just don’t do it again.
And if these people were real friends,
you’d not have to insult your other
friends to impress them,” she told him.
“Does this mean we’re still friends?” he wondered hopefully.
“I don’t know. I guess. Maybe,” she shrugged.
“Do you still like me?”
“Sometimes I like you. But not as of late, no. But tonight,
you’re alright,” she said with a small smile.
“Just alright?” he asked, smiling slightly back.
“I don’t really know why you’ve waited all this time to
apologize. It’s a little late. But I suppose better late than never,” she said
softly.
“I was embarrassed and ashamed. I often get humiliated in front
of you, and I guess I just snapped. And for that, I’m ashamed. Because you were
always nice to me. It wasn’t your fault. I guess I just felt your associations
made you guilty of my humiliations as well,” he admitted just as softly.
Lily looked at him for a moment and she felt a bit ashamed
herself. She wouldn’t really say she was incredibly close to the people that
often teased Severus, but she was friendly with them. And she could understand
how he’d see her as somewhat of a traitor. And in seeing her that way, he might
be prompted to lash out. It wasn’t right, but she kind of understood. She scooted
closer to him and took his hands in her own and held them.
“Remember when we were just kids and Petunia would always
make fun of us and call us names? And you told her you’d curse her silly until
she ran away crying? Sometimes kids do stupid things when they’re being mocked
or bullied. I understand it, Severus. But I’m not your enemy. I never was,” she
said fondly remembering how they’d both torture her sister.
“I know you’re not my enemy. I was worried I was yours,” he
told her nervously.
“No. I just felt we needed space. Obviously our lives went
differently. I saw no place for me in your world, nor did I see one for you in
mine,” she admitted wistfully.
“But it doesn’t have to be like that. So what if you’re a
Gryffindor and I’m a Slytherin? And who cares if your parents are Muggles? My
father was one,” he pointed out almost frantically.
“Yes, but all your pureblood friends hate the likes of me,
and also hate Gryffindor, just on principle,” she reminded him.
“But I’m not pureblood. I’m half blood. And I meant what I
told you all those years ago. It doesn’t matter, as long as you’re special. And
you are. You always were. Don’t you remember the times we’d spend at the pond
or at our favorite tree?” he reminded her.
She laughed slightly. “Yes, of course. I just told you I
remembered those times. But we aren’t little children now. And like it or not,
we have a rivalry at this school. It’s just how it is.”
“It’s stupid, honestly. In the end, it doesn’t matter. Do
you think I’m evil?” he asked.
“Evil? No. Never. Do you think I’m ridiculously brave or
selfless?” she asked back.
“Yes. I do. On both counts,” he admitted with a faint smile.
“Silly boy. I’m neither really. I’m just a girl,” she said
dismissively, letting go of his hands.
“I think you’re way more than just a girl. You’re Lily. You’re
amazing. And you’re kind and gentle and beautiful,” he added, looking away from
her.
“Beautiful?” she questioned with a surprised look.
“Yes, beautiful. Your eyes are like glistening emeralds. And
your hair is the color of fiery flames,” he explained awkwardly.
She giggled a little and covered her face.
“Oh Severus, you’re too much. Is this how you woo the girls?”
she asked.
It was his turn to cover his face in embarrassment.
“No. I don’t woo anyone. Am I awful at it? Was I too cliché?
I meant it though.”
“Well it was very sweet. A little over the top, but sweet.
And what do you mean you don’t woo anyone? Surely there are girls you fancy?”
she posed the question to him.
He felt his face turning red, and he hoped she couldn’t see
it in the darkness.
“There’s only one girl I fancy. But I thought she hated me,”
he admitted barely audibly.
She looked at him with a mix of surprise and a bit of pity.
She had no idea he felt so strongly, especially in light of his treatment of
her, and the fact that they’d barely spoken at all in a year.
“You fancy me?”
she finally squeaked out nervously.
“Obviously. It’s why we’re here tonight. I couldn’t keep it
a secret. I had to apologize and tell you how I felt. I’ve been so lonely
without you, Lily. You were my best friend,” he told her honestly.
“You were mine too, Severus. But I did think you hated me.
So I hated you in return. What else was I to think?” she asked confused.
“That’s why I’m setting it straight. You had to know the
truth. I think of you all the time. I stare at you all the time. I’m hopeless,”
he told her, looking down at his lap and wringing his hands.
She wasn’t sure what to do or say because although she did
miss his friendship, she’d never really considered him romantically. Not until
this moment. And even then she wasn’t sure what she felt. They’d been estranged
for so long.
“I don’t quite know what to tell you,” she whispered softly.
“Tell me you feel it too. That everything we shared still
matters. That I still matter,” he
implored her.
She scooted ever closer and took his hands again. She held
them tightly and looked in his eyes.
“Severus, I care for you. I never stopped. You’ll always be
in my heart. But I don’t think I feel the same as you do,” she said as gently
as possible.
He pulled his hands away from her and leaned back in the
grass.
“Don’t look at me like you pity me. I get it. You don’t find
me handsome like that Potter bloke. I understand. I’m not what you want,” he
said with bitterness.
“Stop! No. I’m not interested in James. I already told you.
Yes, he’s handsome, but no. It’s just I’ve always thought of you as my friend.
My best friend for years, until
recently. I’m just not sure it’s the same kind of affection you hold for me,”
she explained somewhat desperately.
“It’s fine. I knew this would be a mistake. I just thought
maybe you remembered. And that you felt the way I did. Or that you could feel it. But obviously I was
wrong,” he said, trying to shake off the rejection and play it cool.
“Severus, have you ever kissed a girl?” she asked, seemingly
out of the blue.
“What?” he asked quizzically.
“Have you kissed a girl?”
“No. Have you kissed a boy?” he shot back.
“No,” she admitted with a small blush.
“Oh. Really? You’ve never kissed anyone?”
“No, silly. No one except you. Remember that summer at the pond when you said you loved me,
and I giggled my head off and kissed your cheek?” she asked with a happy smile.
“Of course. How could I ever forget that?” he said shaking
his head with a grin.
“Well that was my first kiss. And it wasn’t even real,” she
said with a sigh.
“It seemed good enough at the time,” he smiled at her.
“Well, perhaps we should just get it over with and see what
all the fuss is? I mean, everyone’s first
real kiss should be with someone they care about. Don’t you think?” she
asked.
He was confused and a little bit too excited at this notion,
but he simply nodded his head in agreement.
“Well, then kiss me, Severus. For real,” she told him, scooting right next to him now.
“For real? A real
kiss?” he asked flummoxed.
“Yes, you nitwit. Kiss me,” she grinned at him.
“But why? You just told me you didn’t fancy me. I don’t
understand,” he told her, wishing he could just do it, but he was so confused.
“I know, but maybe the kiss will spark something? Just do
it, okay?” she said with a wicked little glint in her eyes.
He couldn’t resist that look and he was so nervous he
thought he might actually pass out and die. But she leaned closer to him and
waited expectantly for his move. So he just lunged for her and practically
assaulted her with his lips. He had no idea what he was doing, but he was
trying his hardest to make this a memorable kiss, so she’d change her mind
about him.
At first, it seemed like he was doing a terrible job, and she was
all stiff and not really in sync with his lips. But soon they found a rhythm
they could both enjoy and get lost in. Their lips and tongues melded together
and they frantically grabbed each other closer, as the kiss deepened and became
even more passionate. But then Lily abruptly pulled away and sat back, slightly
breathless.
“What’s wrong? Did I do it terribly? Was it bad?” Snape
asked her worriedly.
She wiped her mouth as discreetly as she could and then she
smiled at him.
“No, it was lovely. It was great. But I think we should
stop.”
“Why?”
“Because. It was just supposed to be a kiss, not a bloody
marathon snogging session. I don’t even know what I’m doing,” she admitted,
looking away from him.
“I’m sorry. Did I get carried away? I can do it gentler or
less enthusiastic,” he told her urgently.
“No, it’s alright. It was great,” she smiled. “But I’m
afraid it doesn’t change how I feel,” she added, her smile fading.
Snape looked down at his lap again and began fiddling with
the shoestring on his shoe.
“Oh. So it wasn’t good, was it? I mean, you still don’t
fancy me?”
“I’m sorry. It’s not that it wasn’t good, it’s just, you’re
my best friend. I’ve known you since we were children. It’s…well, weird,” she
said, tucking her hair behind her ears.
The truth was, she had liked the kiss a lot, but it scared
her how much she did like it. She wasn’t sure she was ready to be anyone’s
girlfriend at this point. Much less his.
She knew the kind of flack she’d get from all her friends, and she imagined he’d
get the same from his. They just weren’t meant to be together. It might have
worked when they were little, but that’s when it was just the two of them
against the world. Now life was very different. They were very different. And Lily felt like she had to pull away.
“Weird? It’s weird? It didn’t feel weird at all to
me,” he said, trying to hold back his hurt feelings.
“How did it feel then?” she wondered.
“Real.”
She smiled, in spite of her nerves.
“Yes, it did feel real,” she admitted.
“It’s always been real for us.”
“Yes, it has.”
“But you don’t want to be with me?” he asked sadly.
“I’m sorry, I can’t. I just can’t. But now we’ve both been
kissed and it was with someone who really cared for us. That’s special,” she
reminded him.
“Yeah, special. Just like us,” he muttered softly.
“Yes, just like us.”
“You’re going to leave now and go back to the castle aren’t you?”
he wondered without looking at her.
“Yes. I have to get back. I don’t want to get in trouble,”
she told him honestly.
“Alright.”
“Are you coming?”
“No.”
“But Filch will catch you, if someone else doesn’t first,”
she reminded him.
“It’s okay. I’m fine. You go,” he told her.
She looked at him pitifully and wished she didn’t have to
break his heart, but she knew no other thing to do. She finally stood up and
brushed off her clothes.
“Okay, I’m going back. See you tomorrow in Potions class?”
she asked hopefully.
“Yeah, of course. You know you’re doing terribly this year
because I’m not giving you my notes anymore,” he managed a small smile as he
teased her.
She laughed slightly. “I know. I need your expertise. You’re
the only reason I did so well before.”
“Maybe if you’re nice, I’ll let you see my notes tomorrow?”
he offered.
“Deal.”
She leaned down and kissed the top of his head, and ran her
hand through his shaggy long dark hair.
“Just remember, it’s always been real for us,” she whispered
softly.
He looked up at her longingly.
“Yes. Always.”
She kissed his head again and then she turned and ran off
towards the castle, leaving him on the grass at the edge of the forest. He just
sat there and contemplated what had just happened. Lily and he had kissed. Passionately. Apparently too passionately for her taste. But they’d
done it. And now she was running away. And she didn’t want to be his girl. She
just wanted a friend who was good at Potions class. To say he was disappointed
would be an understatement. He couldn’t even fully enjoy the memory of the
kiss, because of what came after.
But maybe they could really still be friends
somehow? They could still hang out like before. He could just brush off his
snobby friends, and maybe she’d stop hanging around those losers she considered friends. He didn’t know.
He didn’t know anything. But after a while, he got up and headed back to the
castle himself.
He walked into the Slytherin common room, and found a few of
his mates still sitting up by the fireplace. They looked up when he entered.
“Where’ve you been?” one of them asked.
“Just out walking,” Snape replied coolly.
“Walking? At this hour? Do you want detention?” another laughed.
“I was visiting an old friend,” Snape muttered softly.
“Oh wait, lemme guess. That redheaded Gryffindor you’re
always staring at? Did you make time with her? For a Mudblood I guess she’s
pretty enough. If you don’t mind tainted blood touching you,” his friend
laughed.
“Right, tainted. She’s not even worth it. It was a mistake
to see her. Filthy Mudblood. I knew she would be a waste of my time,” Snape
said, trying to act cool for his mates, even though he felt horrendous for
saying the words.
“Yeah, filthy is right. Definitely not worth it. Find a nice
Slytherin girl, Sev.”
“I think I will. I’m over that ridiculous bint. Who needs
her?” Snape lied through his teeth.
One of his friends got up and patted him on the back.
“That’s the spirit! We’ll find you a bird. No worries. Now
let’s get to bed before the sun rises,” his friend said, as he ushered him
towards the dorm room they shared.
Snape just went along with it and never said a word to
anyone about what had happened that night. And the next day when Lily smiled at
him in Potions class, he just looked away from her. He never saw her fallen
expression or the pain in her eyes. He never knew how much his second betrayal
had hurt her. And she never knew just how deeply she’d cut him by rejecting
him, and that every action he took after that moment was all a lie perpetuated
by hurt feelings. And they both went to their graves never telling a single
soul about the night on the edge of the forest. To everyone else, it never
happened. But it was real for them.
Fade to Black….
Just speech less...... I don't have anything to say. Seems like you are a professional writer. Are you? I think you are J.K.Rowling behind scene. What to tell about the story... Just suberb. After all I liked the last part.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I'm so pleased you enjoyed this. I wish I was JK Rowling in disguise! But I am trying to be a professional writer, and have been writing since I was nine. I thank you again for reading and commenting!
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