Hilarious Ads and Misprints (with my stunning commentary)

I used to have a different blog, and one of my weekly things I did was post up silly misprinted ads or just plain weird ads. These are often hilarious! I happened across my old online photo album where all these are stored, so I figured I'd re-do my old lost posts and resurrect them from the beyond. Here were go. Hold onto your hats and be prepared to at least smile.

 Portable Dehumanizer. This is something we all need right? I wonder if it turns you into a cat or a demon or what? For $129.99 you can find out!

I don't know about you, but I hate running errands. It's always so convenient to find a place that can service all your needs. Like a dry cleaner who does Mammograms. Sounds legit eh? "Here, just plunk your tit on this ironing board and we'll check it out..." say's the creepy dry cleaning man.

Ducks are such prideful creatures. I mean, of course he refused medical treatment. What if his duck friends heard about the dog attack and thought he was a wuss for not just shaking it off? Ducks!

 I'm a little troubled that only 'most' doctors agree breathing is good for you. Some of them think breathing is bad? I can just picture you visiting the doctor and he's like, "well, do you breathe? Because that's really bad for you! We have treatment programs to help you stop." Thanks Doc! I'll look into it.

Incest repellent. This is probably marketed in Arkansas or something. Too bad Cersei Lannister didn't have any of this on Game of Thrones...

An unconscious tree? As opposed to the regular fully conscious ones that are always talking to me whenever I walk past them. They just keep going on and on about how majestic they are. I hope they were able to wake this one up.

Human skull, USED once. Holy god, do we wanna know what he used it for? Not me. "One human skull for sale. Only used in a Satanic ritual of pain once." Takers? It's a bargain!

 Oh shit yeah. I mean, when you see someone break out a fucking rolling pin, shit is about to get real. Who cares about knives and bats? Pftt. It's the rolling pin you gotta watch out for. That baby can shoot lasers and stuff. And probably cast spells...

Ah yes, what a lovely romantic gift. Why did I never get a burial plot for Valentine's Day? Clearly I picked the wrong guy. I wonder how you wrap this? Or do you just blindfold her and take her to a graveyard and whip it off and say, "I can't wait for us to be in this ground together!"

 You know your weather reporter is having a bad day when the forecast calls for 'general sadness'. I mean, why even go outside on a day like that? I wonder if general sadness shows up on the Doppler Radar as a big sad face emoticon right over your city?

I love grocery store deli's that have a wide array of prepared items to buy. Who doesn't love pasta salad and broken glass? The last time I went to the store, they didn't even carry broken glass! Can you believe? I wanted a pound of potato salad and a half pound of broken glass, but they looked at me funny. I don't know why...

This is what you buy when you're someone like Walter White and need to get rid of a bad meth customer who's giving your problems. A white trash compactor. Just shove them in, crush 'em up, then deliver the square bundle back to the trailer park where they live. No one will even notice.

 This is perfect if your dry cleaner doesn't offer Mammograms. Just buy the new GE Mammogram dishwasher! Stick your boob in with the pots and pans, and voila! A clean boob and a bill of health.

People is the most important ingredient? Yum! Yeah...so I work there and I swear I haven't seen any people thrown in the meat grinder or stashed in the Walk-in freezer. But there are a few boxes that I've never opened...

Vandals are getting so out of control. I'm mean using a pork chop? Why couldn't they just spray paint it or key it? No, they had to use a pork chop. What is the world coming to?! And also, has police forensics gotten so on point they send out the CSI's to a scratched car, where they exhaustively determined a pork chop was used? Tax dollars are spent on that? Ok Ross County. Wherever that is.

I'm always on the lookout for a good Animal Control service. I really hate it when random babies crawl through my yard and sometimes try and get into the house. God, they're the hardest things to get rid of! The rats and the skunks usually run away when they see you, but those damn babies...they never leave!

This is like the stuff of nightmares. It's almost like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow man attacking New York all over again. Now a Swanson's chicken pot pie is wreaking havoc on this poor town! I heard it's chasing people and saying, "Eat me, bitches!" I hope the police caught it...

Ooh, yummy a BLT sandwich! And it's hella cheap. Wait, no, that's just a B sandwich. Lettuce and tomatoes are extra. Did someone not teach this restaurant that the concept of a BLT actually includes the L and T?

I've been waiting for YEARS for bilingual turkey franks. I mean, they usually only speak Turkish and I can't understand what they're saying! At least now, they probably speak English and can scream at me, "Don't eat me!!" But at least I'll understand them.

I love dining out and sitting on the patio, sipping some vino and having a bit of pasta, but it is never complete without watching a dumpster get emptied! Such unique entertainment! I bet their fully booked on Thursdays. Damn it. I need to experience this rare delight.

I always thought wigs would be fun to play with. A new hairstyle everyday! And these are some seriously special ones. Made of a blend of human hair and European hair! I didn't realize Europeans were alien beings, but now I know. But I'm sure they have lovely hair, despite not being human.