Today was a pretty meh day. But I did laugh outloud at least once so that bears mentioning. Again what I found so funny was actually kind of freaky, ala the man eating lizard staring at me after I almost fell on top of him. When I got home today, I wasn't feeling so good (nerves had my stomach all in knots) and I was just praying that nothing tragic would happen this time as I bounded up the steps hurriedly because I wasn't sure my stomach could take the stress of it. And just when I thought I was home free, I went to put my key in the lock and found a huge preying mantis sitting only inches away from my hand. Now, I know preying mantis's are good bugs, they don't bite (at least I don't think so...) and I wouldn't want to kill it because it eats other yuckier bugs I don't want around. However, a preying mantis is still a bug. I don't like bugs. And I was startled to see it so I screamed really loud and jumped away from the door.
It took my brain a couple seconds to process what exactly this bug was and whether or not I should run away. But I quickly realized it was a preying mantis and I didn't need to run through the neighborhood screaming. And my stomach REALLY hurt now, so I deemed the situation safe enough and unlocked the door and went inside, leaving the preying mantis just sitting there staring at me. But that was fine. He could stay there. He was outside and I was safely inside and I forgot he was there.
Then hours later my husband came home. He's a little quirky and actually tried to keep a preying mantis as a pet. He let it sit on his arm and he drove home from work with it ON him. Yuck! But whatever, that's his thing....lol He likes strange boy things like bugs. I let him have his fun. So anyway, he was very excited when he saw this huge thing sitting on the wall of the house by the front door, because apparently it never left. He was like "omg cool!" and started taking pics of it with his camera phone. And then he tried to PET it. As if it was a tiny green kitten stuck the side of our house or something. I was standing right there and I was like, "stop touching it cuz you're gonna piss it off and its probably gonna leap off the wall right onto ME" And just as I said that, it did in fact leap off the wall. But it landed on HIM instead.
Serves him right...lol But now this thing was clinging to his shorts in a very interesting spot. ( he was worried it was gonna bite something important of his...lol) And we stood there and debated whether or not those things could bite people. I thought he was some sort of preying mantis expert, but apparently he never read up on them and only admired them for their creepy beauty. I was getting uncomfortable though because I just don't like bugs and I asked him to please get that thing off him so I could stop freaking out. He put his hand down there where it was and was going to try and scoop it up and place it somewhere else. It was getting pissed though and I asked him, "do those things fly?" And before he could answer me this little monster totally freaked out and started running super fucking fast right up my husbands body. It was headed for his face and I'd never seen something move that fast!
At this point, my husband, the self proclaimed bug lover, started screaming like a little girl and dancing around and flinging his shirt trying to shake it off to stop its crazy attack aimed at his face. The thing was not letting go easily, but eventually it flung off. Right onto his shoe. He took the shoe off...lol And then proceeded to cautiously hold the shoe up to the wall and the stupid bug finally jumped off and is STILL stuck to the side of my house...lol After all that trauma, his ass is not leaving I guess. He's taken over the place and is now guarding the front door against intruders I suppose.
I don't know, but it was pretty damn funny watching him freak out over that. Especially since he claimed to love those things so much....lol I think he's faking it! Inside he's a scared little girl too when it comes to creepy crawly shit, he just doesn't want to admit it.
So that was my very random funny of the day. The only other thing that warrants an honorable mention is that I went to the store to buy cat food and a frozen dinner for one meal (yes I felt pathetic) The only thing missing from that shopping trip was a bottle of a wine and a box of Kleenex. But while there, I happened to run into this older man. Maybe his late 60's? And his hair was cut into some sort of strange mom looking bobbed haircut. He had bangs and his silvery hair was chin length. It looked like the hairstyle I had when I was 4 years old...lol He was sort of like Prince Valiant, 30 years later.
See? This is the hair I'm talking about! Who has hair like this and is male? And old? And living in this century? Apparently that guy. But I couldn't stop staring at him and wanting to laugh. He was buying broccoli and frozen pizza and a bottle of wine. He either has a really cheap date planned or he lives alone. As a side note, some chick at the checkout stand had an entire shopping cart filled with bananas. Nothing else. Just bananas. Like 25 bunches of bananas. Either she's sorely lacking potassium in her diet and is trying to fix it, or she owns 35 monkeys and was rushing home to give them dinner. Either scenario is plausible I guess in a town where Prince Valiant buys frozen pizza for dinner....
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