This blog is something I'm starting to just share little things from my day. I wanted a place to put all the silly and funny things that have happened to me, because I'm trying to remind myself that sometimes its the little things in life that make it worth living. Sometimes I get so bogged down by stress and depression, I forget to stop and appreciate the silliness and humor in everyday life situations. They don't feel so important at the time, but in reality, they are very important. Sometimes huge wonderful things just don't happen. And you need to find other reasons for life to seem bearable and worth getting out of bed for.
So this blog is about my life...not the really heavy shit, but the everyday things that I find humor or enjoyment in. And I bet if I tried, I could find something funny or good about every day of my life. Sometimes I fail to try or to notice. And I'm trying to change that...
Today is a day I wouldn't count as my best day. It wasn't BAD but it wasn't good...In fact, I hurt myself by tripping and falling on my hands and knees right on the concrete in front of my house. I could be mad or embarrassed, but really its kind of a funny story if I let myself think of it that way. Sure I'm sore and a little banged up, but the way it happened was fucking hilarious. I have to laugh about it! I was walking up to the steps in front of my door, lost in la la land somewhere...I think I was thinking about the fact that I had to go to the bathroom, of all things. And then I looked up because the clouds were so weird in the sky that I thought to myself, "it kind of looks like an eclipse the way the sun is covered but there are blue skies everywhere else". I was lost in thoughts of clouds and needing to pee and I totally didn't even notice that I was about to trip on the front step.
But suddenly my foot caught the step instead of clearing it, and the next thing I knew I was smashing to the ground with my purse and my water bottle in my hands. I crushed the water bottle with the force of my weight landing on it, and it exploded all over the place. My purse crashed to the pavement and my first thought was, "omg I hope my phone is okay!" and then my second thought upon realizing my left knee hurt really bad was, "holy shit, I hope my pants didn't get ripped!" I wasn't really worried about myself at all. I only wanted to make sure my pants and my phone hadn't been destroyed in this tragedy....lol Priorities! But as I sort of sat there on my knees with my arms on the ground and my face next to the pavement, I decided to look to my right. That's when I found myself face to face with a humongous alligator lizard that was giving me a look like, "ahh....lunchtime!" and I totally freaked out.
I screamed and I think I said "oh my shit!" as i scrambled to get myself upright. The lizard just looked at me. I think he was laughing inside at the stupid human who almost face planted herself right in front of him and made myself easy prey to leap at and attack. But in the process of freaking out, I almost fell backwards, back down the steps I had fallen up to begin with. But I caught myself on the railing and tried to catch my breath from the horror of the man eating lizard being there... and then i jumped over the top of him, unlocked the door and slammed it behind me, lest he try and scurry into my house. That would be tragic! He was HUGE. And scary. Way more scary than the fact that I fell and hurt myself. Which by the way, I am feeling it now. My arm hurts, my foot hurts, my shin hurts, my knee hurts. I'm a disaster area, yet I am still laughing because wtf was that scene? That was something out of a movie and not real life....lol
In other news today, my boss has a stick up his ass. He's been picky and mean and annoying to everyone in the office but me. He likes me still. Maybe because for the last 3 days we've done nothing but work together in perfect harmony while everyone else sits on their asses? He even gave me the coveted compliment, "good job, thank you...." which is hard to come by these days. He was happy with me, and pissy with everyone else. I helped him make a bunch of fucking money, while everyone else sat on their asses. And truthfully it kind of bothered me a little too. Because wtf? I was doing all the work and everyone else was gossiping and talking and sitting down, and I was working hard. But the good part about this situation was that one of my co-workers, not realizing that their boss was standing 3 feet away from the breakroom, proclaimed loudly, "omg, that squirrel has the biggest balls I've ever seen!" lmao...He just looked at me like, "holy shit, I need to leave!" because he's totally weirded out by any sort of personal talk. And I was trying not to crack up laughing.
Especially when my co-worker realized that our boss heard what she said and chose to run away from it....lol She was mortified. And better yet, this is not the first time she's made comments about squirrel balls in front of everyone. I think she needs a boyfriend...lol The conversation eventually turned to her and my other co-worker about how men think having big balls is somehow a good thing. And me being me, I asked, "are big balls supposed to be attractive?" cuz I wouldn't know...lol to me balls are disgusting anyway. Big or small, don't put those in my face....lol And everyone agreed that balls of any size were disgusting. And that the male package itself was gross and unappealing. One of my co-workers said her husband referred to his willy as his 'precious' while doing the creepy Gollum voice...and I was like, "omg, does he think pretending to be a mutant creature obsesssed with his 'precious' is a turn on?" Everyone agreed with me that his thingy was only 'precious' to him and no one else....lol
But it definitely made me wonder... these straight women who love men, think men's bodies are yucky looking. They don't like balls or 'precious' dicks or anything of the sort...yet they like men. And I think, "why?" what is the attraction? its so confusing to me. If you don't find a persona visually attractive, why are you fucking them? It makes no sense to me...Yet so many women do this. And I find it confusing. What exactly turns them on if they think man parts are ugly and disgusting? Seriously. I want to know. Yet I'm afraid to ask, lest I give away my own feelings on the matter. I drop hints instead..I say things all the time about how I think men are sexually yucky, and when someone talks about a girl, I say, "yeah, she's hot" or not hot, depending...I'm hiding but a smart person would pick up the truth.... But that's a blog that's too personal... point is, I get confused sometimes... I don't understand so called 'normal' women... not when they are like "omg yeah, men's junk is ugly" and yet they want them...its like why? cuz I don't get it...
Overall, today was alright...if I get rid of all the personal thoughts I had, and focus on the funny, it was a good day...and that's what I'm trying so hard to do....This was my day... I wonder what tomorrow will bring?
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