My Netflix Movie Reviews....

As some of you know, I'm addicted to Netflix streaming. Which means, there are A LOT of really obscure movies to choose from, and hardly anything decent or normal or that anyone has heard of. But yet I scour these movies, looking for gems. And sometimes I find one. Or two. Or none. It just depends. Here are my thoughts on my most recently watched (or attempts at watching) some movies.

First up...

Adore This is an Australian movie about two women, played by Naomi Watts and Robin Wright, who are in their mid forties or so, and have been best friends since childhood. They suddenly decide to start having sex with each other's handsome teenage sons. I'm assuming these 'teens' are like `18 or 19 to get rid of the illegal factor. Plus the boys drink beer and wine with the horny moms. But wow, I couldn't finish it. It was too stupid. And I just kept thinking of the song "Motherlover" by Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg, where they decide to fuck each other's mother's for Mother's Day. Pass. Unless you like the idea of older ladies sleeping with their best friends kids...

Girl Most Likely This is a movie from 2012 starring Kristen Wigg and Annette Bening and a nice cameo type part by Matt Dillon. It's about a woman living in NY city who basically revolves her life around her boyfriend and her vacuous idiots of friends, and gave up her dreams up being a playwright. Her boyfriend breaks up with her, and to 'woo' him back, she pretends to try and kill herself. Laughs a plenty, right? But seriously, it was kinda funny. She got dressed up in a sexy nightie, laid out some pills, and composed a suicide note, then called him up and told him she was killing herself if he didn't show up. Who hasn't done this right? No one? Yeah, I hope not! But that was her plan. Of course, he doesn't come, and she only takes one pill, which puts her to sleep, but she's not dying. She wakes up in the hospital after her friend finds her, and wackiness ensues. The hospital won't keep her because she wasn't a serious enough threat to herself, but they won't let her go home alone either. So they call her insane mom to take her. I won't spoil anything else. It was actually funny and moving and relateable and I enjoyed it. There's a dude she meets who sings in an Atlantic City show as Backstreet Boy's impersonators. She's relegated to wearing her old high school clothes from 1990 because that's all her mom has in the basement. Trust me, it's a pretty funny movie. Give it a go, even if it sounds stupid.

Before I Disappear This movie is from 2014 and stars nobody I've ever heard of. It's rather dark and depressing, as this main character, Richie, wants to kill himself because his girlfriend is dead and his life is a horrible piece of crap and he's broke and a druggie and just a lost cause. But every time he attempts to do the horrible deed, his estranged sister calls him asking him to look over his niece that he's never met, and who is around eleven or so. It's a desperation move for her, as she has no one else to call apparently, even if she hasn't talked to her brother in at least twelve years. But Richie pulls through, and does what his sister asks. He postpones his suicide, at least for a bit. But he already cut himself, so he's kind of out of it and also on drugs. The little girl is bitchy and entertaining, and way too mature for her age. Of course Richie ends up adoring her. And even though she thinks he's icky at first, she actually grows to like him during the course of their time together. The whole movie takes place within like a 24 hour period. It's not funny, but it is kind of heartwarming. And Richie is sympathetic, even if he is a lost soul. It's worth a try. I enjoyed it.

Dirty Girl Okay, this isn't porn, despite the misleading title. It's about a young girl who is basically the town slut, due to her supposedly bad upbringing by a single mom, who just seems a little lost and not actually 'bad' to me. But anyhow, she messes up in school and is 'sentenced' to classes with the 'dorks' of the school. I didn't realize there was a 'dork' class in school, but whatever, she gets sent there. And of course she's in health class, paired with an overweight gay kid, that she thinks is so beneath her, but they must play parents to a sack of flour. Remember when we had to do that with an egg in school? Anyways, so they are forced to spend time together with their 'baby'. And of course, the gay kids life is really, really awful because his dad is a terrible bigot and homophobe, and his mom appears to be a wet dish rag who can't defend her own son from the abuse he suffers. But one day, Danielle, the girl, decides she wants to find her real dad while her mom and potential stepfather are out of town. So she recruits gay boy to drive her cross country because she hopes her real dad will take her in, and save her from becoming Mormon like her mom's boyfriend wants her to become. And her new friend goes along with this, because he hates his dad and wants to run. This is a genuinely heartwarming and heartbreaking tale. These two people would likely never be friends, but fate shoved them together, and they both learn a lot along the way. I loved it. It's a little gem. And Juno Temple is a great little actress. Watch it!

A Little Bit of Heaven Alright, this stars Kate Hudson and some guy I've never seen before, who is tragically boring and has zero chemistry with Kate. But let's back up. The premise, a young, hip, career oriented gal, with no husband, boyfriend, or kids, finds out she's dying of colon cancer. Not really a laughing matter, yet her character is always laughing and telling people she has ass cancer, and genuinely acting like she doesn't give much of a crap about any of it. And she somehow visits 'heaven' and God is Whoopi Goldberg. Should I stop now? No? Okay, I'll go on. But yeah, Whoopi is God. I mean, we all know Morgan Freeman is really God. Anyways, so she meets God and she tells her that there's something she needs in life before she dies. Whatever. I kinda stopped paying attention at this point. But of course what she 'needs' is a man to love her and to love back. Yawn. Okay. Cue her boring, odd looking, foreign doctor. They fall in love. Blah. She's a terrible person for the most part and isn't funny, but crass. She's not sympathetic and I really didn't care she was dying. My bad. But she just acted so weird and unlikable. Won't give the end away, but this is a definite 'don't waste your time' in my book. I didn't enjoy it, but I did finish it. Dry eyed. Meh. And I usually like Kate Hudson...

Take Care This is a 2014 movie starring no one I know. The premise is a woman is hit by a car, tragically injured to the point she can't walk or bathe herself or change her clothes, etc. Yet she's not paralyzed or anything. Just broken and shit. And she has her friends who promise to take care of her when she gets home, but they're big assholes and basically can't be bothered. So she turns to her ex-boyfriend, whom she hasn't been with in two years, and pretty much blackmails him into helping her out. Now, he was sick when they dated, and she looked after him as he fought cancer. Then he got better, dumped her, yada, yada. So she feels somewhat entitled to him taking care of her. Never mind that he's got a new girlfriend, and it's been TWO FUCKING YEARS. Oh and did I mention, this man is now incredibly wealthy for something I can't remember now. Software? A book deal? Doesn't matter. He's LOADED. Yet she somehow convinces him to bathe her and cook for her and watch TV with her, etc. Why didn't he just use his riches to hire her a home health nurse? That's what I'd do! But no, then there wouldn't be a movie. But it's so ridiculous. And I'm sure you can guess how it ends, without me even giving it away. Meh, it had some entertaining moments, but was in my mind, far too ridiculous to take seriously. Your choice. It's not great, but it's not the worst. Just suspend your disbelief.

Bound Do not confuse this with the other movie of the same name from way back when. This is a 2015 movie, assuming straight to Netflix, starring Charisma Carpenter of Buffy fame. That's why I watched. For her. She's hot. And I love Cordelia Chase. But anyways...okay, this is basically a really twisted and freaky rip off of Fifty Shades of Grey. 40 something divorcee, working in a male dominated profession, and for her daddy of all people, meets a handsome young stranger in a bar. He's freaky. He's a wannabe Christian Grey. He even has a red room of pain, but he never calls it that. But he and Charisma fuck a lot and there's some bondage and a lot of her naked boobs featured. I just kept thinking, "Cordelia would NEVER do this shit!" But alas, I watched. And it turns out, Charisma's character isn't all that keen on being a submissive slave. She wants to dominate. Now that's Cordelia! Cue some really weird bullshit involving a sex club and then her teenage daughter, yada, yada, and suddenly Charisma is fucking up fake Christian Grey's shit. Which of course means she's all empowered now and can do her work better, etc. Hell, I basically gave the whole movie away. Sorry. It's just that's about all there was to it. If you liked Fifty Shades, you still won't like this. And if you didn't like it, well, you probably will hate this too. Either way, only watch if you want to see Charisma Carpenters boobs.

Life Partners Alright, I don't know any of these actors, but this was a cute movie. Sad and a little melancholy at times, but good. The premise is two women are best friends for what I assume is a very long time. One is straight, one is a lesbian. Both are single and love to lament and hang out and have fun and despise life together. You know, they bond? Well cue straight girl getting a serious boyfriend. Apparently this has never happened, even thought they both appear to be late twenties. But anyhow, serious live in boyfriend. Lesbian friend gets shunned and ignored, not purposely, but that's how life goes when you become a couple right? Your friends don't get ALL your time. And of course straight friends tries to help by setting lesbian friend up with the ONLY other lesbian she can find, which is so funny and stupid, yet happens a lot. Straight girl really tried, but nuh-uh, not working. And you genuinely feel bad for the rejected friend. I've been the rejected friend. I've also probably been the other girl too. Let's just say, I related. On both sides. It's not a comedy, per say, yet there are some funny moments. It's more about friendship and realizing limitations and finding a good middle ground, etc. Cute. I liked it. Not Oscar worthy, but give it a go. You might enjoy it.

White Bird in a Blizzard Wow, so I didn't know anyone in this except Christopher Meloni, who I adore from Law and Order SVU. But he's no Elliot Stabler in this one. Far from it. He's a schlub of a husband and father. But the premise is, this young girl's mom disappears one day. And from flashbacks and what not, we see that the mom was highly unstable and a bit crazy, so everyone kind of thinks the mom killed herself or simply ran off. No one really thinks otherwise, including her daughter. She's upset, but sort of like, "Meh, my mom was a nut job." And she just sort of accepts her disappearance as voluntary and assumes she's dead by her own hand, or living it up somewhere else. Time passes, and the girl still never really cares much. The dad moves on, she moves on. But oh, there's SO much more to this! I won't give it away. I can't! It's too good and should be watched. It takes place in the late 80's so the soundtrack enough is worth it. I wanna say more, but won't. Watch this one. You'll like it. And I literally gasped in shock at the end, and I NEVER do that. So yeah, watch it.

Barefoot Alright, this stars Evan Rachel Wood and Scott Speedman. Didn't know him, knew her a little, went into this with no expectations. The synopsis is, bad dude who is in trouble with gambling debts and the law, gets sentenced to mop floors at a mental hospital. Then he comes up with some scheme to get money from his very rich parents, at his brother's wedding. Except he needs a date. Sounds dumb, huh? It could be, except this was great. He decides that when all his stripper friends refuse to be his fake girlfriend for the wedding, he'll just take this escaped mental patient girl. Who has no shoes, and no clothes, except her hospital gown and some stripper clothes he stole. But the thing is, she's wonderful. Weird? Yes. But crazy? No. She's just had a life that no one could ever want, and doesn't know a damn thing about the world at all because her mother never let her leave the house her entire life. And she's like 22 or something. But this supposed 'bad seed' of a man, just immediately takes her under his wing. It's brilliant and funny and sweet and heartwarming. And I won't give any more away, you just have to watch. She's like a smarter version of Forrest Gump, and he's really a nice dude who just went astray. Please watch it. You'll love it. I did.

Ask Me Anything Okay, this stars no one I know. And it's about a teenage girl who blogs her sex life on the internet and gets this HUGE following. One could only dream of that following, huh? But yeah, that's her life. She blogs anonymously and tells these stories and people both love and hate her. But the entire story is told through the eyes of the blog. And without completely giving it away, bloggers can LIE. It's the internet! I mean, you all actually know me, so I don't lie. But if I had an audience of strangers? I could say whatever the hell I wanted, and could twist real things into something they weren't, etc. Just watch this. It's interesting. And the end is a bit head scratchy. But I still recommend this. Oh Christian Slater is in it! I forgot. He's the only one I knew. Where has he been? Anyway, watch!

Veronika Decides To Die Alright, I seem to watch a lot of fucking suicide movies huh? What the hell? Anyway, this stars Sarah Michelle Gellar as Veronika, and Professor Lupin of Harry Potter, as her doctor. How could this be bad? It's Buffy and Professor Lupin!! But oh my...this was horrible. Utterly terrible. So fucking boring that I wanted to kill myself after sitting through an hour of it. Which was all I managed. I turned it off. I respect both these actors, but what on earth made them do this horrendously boring and pointless movie that made NO SENSE? Surely they both could do better. I suppose I should state the premise. Some chick named Veronika, who is wealthy and successful, just one day decides to kill herself. Not sure why exactly. But she does. And then she wakes up in a mental hospital, where she's initially kinda glad she's not dead, but then learns she's still gonna die, because the pills she took fucked up her heart or something. So basically it's like, a belated suicide she has to look forward to. They give her like a week to live or something. So now she's REALLY depressed, where as she was only sorta unhappy when she tried to do herself in the first time. But I don't know what happens next or how it ends. I didn't make it that far. I don't recommend this one, not unless you REALLY fucking love Sarah Michelle Gellar. And I thought I did, but not that much. Sorry. Pass on this one.

Horns Stars Daniel Radcliffe, aka, Harry Potter. Of course I fucking watched this. I HAD to. I love Daniel. But he's sans sexy British accent in this one. He's playing an American. Bummer. And the premise is just really fucking weird to explain, but I'll try. Okay, he loves a girl. She's gorgeous, by the way. Don't know her name. Redhead? Anyway, he loves her. She breaks up with him. She's found murdered. Everyone thinks he did it, but no one can prove. Even he's not sure if he did it or not because he got really drunk after she dumped him. Cue some kind of supernatural weirdness that makes Harry Potter grow literal horns on his forehead like a devil. And not only that, being in his presence makes people act despicably and say and do terrible things they'd never really do. Like wishing you could bitch slap a screaming five year old in the waiting room of a doctor's office, yet you'd NEVER do it! But his presence makes people mean and terrible, acting upon every negative thought they have. Which I will admit, does cause some humorous moments, in an otherwise very non funny movie. I won't give it away, but there's A LOT going on here. And some of it, I still don't actually understand, like why this happened to him. But if you like weird, watch this. It's a good movie, it's just weird. And Daniel is superb, and did I mention his hot girlfriend? Don't know her name. But yeah, weird movies? Go for it. I liked it.

And this concludes my movie reviews for now. I've watched WAY more. Some of them old favorites, and some of them, just not worth mentioning at all. I did not review any TV series, but believe me, I've watched most. That's another post for another time. This was my obscure movie reviews. Hope you enjoyed. And please message me or comment if you watch any of these or have watched them. I wanna hear from you!