Where Was Your Heart When You Needed It Most...

One of my all time favorite bands, is Soft Cell. A totally fringe group from the 80's that a lot of people have never heard of. But my senior quote in the yearbook was from them. "Be yourself, you know it's true, when in the end, what's left is you...." It's classic. But they also have some darker fare. Things that we might like not to admit reflect us. Like perhaps this to my right? Where Was Your Heart? It talks of a girl who basically wants love and acceptance, but she runs in the wrong circles, and ends up being a joke to the men. She's the 'good time had by all every night'. But she doesn't want to be. She says the lines, "Where it all ends up fine, and it all ends in church, and the girl looks like you, but never really gets hurt..."

That's what I always imagine. The soap opera ending. Just like my old favorites from All My Children, Noah and Julia. Look at them over there on the side of the page. It's perfection. And you better believe his ass protected her to the death and loved her when no one else would. I used to be obsessed with these characters, back in the day.

But that's not real life. It doesn't all end up fine, and it all doesn't end up in church. And sometimes the girl looks exactly like you, and she does in fact get hurt. Which is why I've adopted this new life strategy of disallowing anyone to touch me, therefore, I never get hurt. And I have critics to this. I realized I would. But just think about it.

If you open your heart and let someone inside, you instantly become vulnerable. And that's part of life. It happens to all of us, at some point or another. But when you become my age, and are forced to start life over? You don't have to be that stupid. I stopped watching All My Children, seventeen years ago. And I stopped believing in dreams like that, a long time past.

But my intent is not for anyone to challenge me, or feel sorry for me, or whatever. I want people to actually be proud of me, for not being a moron. I feel like perhaps my last blog failed me, because people didn't get it. Or looked at me as if I'd given up hope. That's not it. I just don't believe in love anymore. I know other people claim to have it, and I applaud them. Good for them. But do I think it really exists for the majority of people nowadays? No. I know it doesn't. Some people get lucky, and I won't dispute that. But that's what they are. LUCKY. That's not normal. That's not regular life. Trust me, I live it every day. And happily married's or monogamous couples cannot claim to know what I know, because they do not live it.

It's a war out there. Kill or be killed. And he or she, with the most destruction points, wins. Maybe ten or twenty years ago, it wasn't this bad. But now it is. And my aim is not for people to feel badly, or dispute me. It's simply to inform. But don't mistake my outlook as someone who hates romance. On the contrary. I in fact, write nothing but love stories, in my spare time. I breathe it. I live it in my head. But do I believe it's a real possibility? God no. It's not. But that's what books and movies and TV are for. To escape the reality of life, and enter a world where things do work out. And people do find love. And not everyone is bitter and used up and alone. But that doesn't make that world real. Nothing can. Except total brain transplants of 90% of the population.

Basically, this blog is where I tell it like it is. Agree or not, I'm stating my experiences and facts as I know them. And if you're a soft hearted romantic, you will be eaten alive and destroyed within moments. That's what I've learned. It's not cynicism, it's reality. That's how the life machine works, unless you happen to spin the Wheel of Fortune, and luck out. I kind of wish more informed single people would read this, because then they'd back me up. I know countless numbers of them, but they either don't read this, or can't read it, because I don't trust them enough to be Facebook friends with them. But our numbers are mighty. And do not feel bad for us. Because we don't. We know the score. And that's simply the way things are now. Trust no one, as Mulder would say. And he knew that back in 1994...