I'm With The Band....

When I was 14 I read the book, I'm With The Band. A story of a woman who was a groupie for all sorts of bands from the 60's and 70's and I decided this was gonna be my life too. I went so far as to send fan mail to bands and send sexy pics of myself to Bret Michaels of Poison fame. I was determined to be a groupie. Now who would really want to be a groupie? Their lives are kind of sad and silly. But I wanted it to be me because it seemed glamorous to me at 14. I ended up buying tickets to all the Poison concerts I could find and I even bought a teddy bear with a t-shirt on it that said I Love Bret and I threw it on stage. I know he got it because I was front and center and he picked it up and smiled at me. That was probably my shining moment. And it was as close to the band as I'd ever get. I never really got my groupie off the ground. Perhaps because I was so young? I wouldn't have even known what to do if I got backstage! But I was still determined to try.

The concerts were something that I lived for, but I had some interesting experiences at them. At the aforementioned Poison concert someone punched me in the back really super hard, so I reeled around and punched a dude in the face. Like straight up punched the shit out of him and he didn't know what to do. He wasn't going to hit a girl I guess, so he just got his girlfriend to get in my face and I was like, "bitch please!" And I shoved her back, and the next thing I knew everyone was fighting in the pit. I caused this mayhem. Oops. My bad. I just laughed though and kept rocking out as I moved away from the melee and onto a better spot to stand.

At another concert I was with some friends and my friend Sara got trampled by a crowd and lost her white Ked shoe. She was okay as I pulled her out of the pit, but her shoe was gone. We couldn't find it. And it resurfaced later on when some idiot threw it on the stage and hit Bret Michaels in the face with it! We were like, "OMG your shoe just hit Bret in the face!" So exciting. Of course he was pissed and stopped the show and was like, "WTF you assholes?!" But we just screamed, "That's our shoe!" And he threw it back into the crowd. But no, we never saw that shoe again after it's short lived brush with fame.

Shortly after the shoe incident, I got lost in the crowd away from my friends. I couldn't find any of them and ended up behind this dude who was smoking pot. Now I was 14 and had never smoked weed before. I'd never even seen it at this point of my life (my corruption came when I was 15...) But I had no idea what was going on, except I suspected it was pot. I wasn't an imbecile. It didn't smell like a cigarette. But my mistake was when he'd exhale it, the cloud of smoke would go right in my face and I'd breathe in and hold my breath so as not to get it in my lungs. Brilliant move, eh? Little did I realize, I was actually re-smoking his pot cloud and I have never been so high before. It was my first time. And I didn't even know what was happening to me.

I just knew I was fucking high as a kite. And I was lost in a  huge arena and couldn't find my friends. I was dressed in a leopard print jumpsuit (I know, I know....but I wanted to get back stage!) So I'm in this trashy outfit and I'm young and blonde and pretty and all these fucking men kept asking me if I needed help as I wandered around the arena looking for my friend Sara, but I didn't even know where we were originally standing. I had to fend off all these wannabe rockers, while stoned, until I found my friend David. I didn't even know he was there, but I was like, "OMG, bless you David!" and I hung onto him for dear life and begged him to help me find Sara. He was her neighbor and I was staying at her house so I figured if nothing else, I'd just go home with him and meet her later. I wasn't exactly thinking straight.

But David helped me find the entrance and the concert had ended by this time. So we waited and waited until Sara finally came out because she'd been looking for me. We all hugged and life was good, but forget about going backstage. I couldn't even stand up! This was pretty much our car ride home with Sara's mom driving us. With me singing along to the radio and wondering if anyone could tell I was high out of my mind. Probably. I didn't want to tell anyone though, but I'm pretty sure David knew. It was one of the best nights of my life. But my love of hair metal ended about a year later and I gave up that quest. I never got to be a groupie. But I did see some amazing concerts and I have some great stories to tell, I wish I was 14 again.....