My life as told with Taylor Swift pictures....

I feel like this is my theme song lately. Another One Bites The Dust. There have been this cast of characters that just come in and out of my life, and none of them stay too long. Everyone has some sort of problems either with me, or with themselves, or some combination of both. There is a saying that to fall in love is just two weird people finding each other and enjoying mutual weirdness, and they call it love. Yet I've never found anyone mutually weird. It's either I'm too weird for them, or they're batshit insane. There's never that sort of middle ground where mutual weirdness blossoms. I envy people who find that in their lives. I'm not sure any of them realize how rare it really is to find.

I have a tendency to push people away at the first sign of trouble of any sort. I'm not the type who sticks around and waits for the train to wreck. I jump off of the train, even if it's in the middle of Iowa somewhere and I'm stuck alone in a cornfield, rather than wait for the train to actually go off the rails. It's just easier that way. Less mess. No fuss. Except I'm still fucking alone, and now I'm in Iowa somewhere. But I digress. People think Taylor Swift is a bit of a loon and dates too many guys and sings about them. But come on, I'm swimming in a dating pool that's far shallower than hers and I know what sorts of mutated sea creatures us women have to deal with. Of course she breaks up with all of them and sings songs about them. I would too if I could write songs. If this is how a person leaves you feeling, then obviously a song must be written.

Only I rarely ever get to the point of looking like that hot mess. Nope. Because I never keep anyone around long enough to actually have feelings. I'm much more closed off and guarded and if I try and open up and it's met with awkwardness or them thinking this hot mess is me? Time to jump off the train. I only keep people around who enrich my life in some way. They have to be funny or smart or witty or sweet or charming. But if you aren't these things, or if you don't like anything except the funny side of me, then it's time to part ways. I don't like people who get angry over little things or people who lie to me or people who are condescending, etc. These are traits that will make me jump. But instead of looking like Blank Space Taylor, I'm more like this Taylor:

And no one really wants to mess with her. She's a badass spy hero chick. And she's got a gang. And the name is fitting, because we leave catastrophes in our wake sometimes. It's just a side effect of self preservation. Sometimes people don't even know what they did wrong, and sometimes they know damn well what they did. But they don't usually hear it from me. I just jump and start my walk home from the cornfield, without a word. Sometimes it's just easier that way. It's easier and less confrontational to simply disappear like a spy chick, than it is to explain I think you're a nutjob, or that I think you're mean or that I've caught on to your lies, or that you seem like a flake or that you're a horrendous kisser, or that I simply don't have any interest in you anymore because you bore me. You were a phase. A very short phase. And I go through phases like a person with allergies going through a Kleenex box. And once I've decided you don't fit in my life, don't try to get back in it. You can't. Sorry. But no one has EVER managed to do this.

I'm definitely not saying that I'm Queen of the World and I do no wrong. Sometimes it honestly is my fault when something doesn't work. Maybe anyway. Okay, yeah, sometimes it is me. But it's usually it's me reacting to something THEY did, even if they don't know they did it. But I'm sort of the living embodiment of the, "It's not you, it's me...." speech, when in fact, it really is you and not me.  But typically no one even gets the speech. I'm gone before that can transpire. And I probably leave a couple people shaking their heads. But I'm fairly certain everyone gets over me quickly and doesn't spend a lot of time pondering what went wrong. Mostly because they never know me enough to be that broken up over it. Let's just say I leave them with nothing to write an angry love song about because everything about me is just orange. And nothing rhymes with orange, does it?