The Walter White of Dating Games

I haven't been on the whole 'dating scene' very long, but I've chosen the rocky path of online hook ups. I know, it sucks. But I have no real friends to introduce me to people, and there's no one at work who even remotely qualifies as a potential, so what is a girl to do? She goes online and spins the wheel. And believe me, I probably have better odds at winning Roulette than I do finding a suitable mate online. Yet, I play the game. Mostly for amusement, and not actual seriousness. Why do I do that? Eh, I'm bored. And I don't have anyone to talk to, so I chat with randoms a lot. It's a valid lifestyle choice. If you're me, and also have the stones to survive it. It's not for the faint of heart. No sir, it's not. You gotta have a whole lotta stones and self esteem and an attitude of 'I couldn't care less' or else you'll be eaten alive. Trust me. I know the game. I haven't played it that long, but I know it. Or rather, I have played it longer than most people know. But let's not be nitpicky and get into that story. No, I have some shit to say that's more important.

Now, I'm a fairly nice person to the naked eye. I like helping others, I'm pleasant to strangers, I flirt shamelessly with the young people at Dutch Bros, and I also have respect for anyone and everyone who has respect for me. I'm a decent person. Not a saint, by any means, but I'm nice. Ask anyone. But what I'm not, is stupid. Or naive. Or overly trusting. And I did not fall off the turnip truck yesterday. When I was sixteen, I was a moron. Admittedly so. If a cute boy smiled at me, I proclaimed it love, and would pester him and follow him around and beg for love. Such a sad sack I was. But I'm nearly 41. Life hasn't been a friend to me. People in general, have not been a friend to me. My heart has been shattered by both men and women, for various reasons and situations. And I let it happen. Because I was a moron. But not any more.

I've become the Walter White of dating games. Yes, you heard me. Walter White. I once was an innocuous human being, but shit happened, and suddenly I'm a ruthless and relentless asshole, in pursuit of my own agenda. Am I proud of this? Honestly, yeah, a little. But that doesn't make me a bad person. I swear. I only give what I get. You wrong me? You'll wish you were never born. Simple as that. You treat me well? And hey, we'll be happy as clams sitting on a pile of money in Walter's vault. It's really that simple. Yet, the amount of people who try and fuck me over, is immense. And the thing that saddens me the most is, they think I'll fall for it. Which doesn't say much about my fellow women out there. It means, they've done this shit to others, and it worked. That makes me want to weep. But they picked the wrong chick to mess with, when they tangle with me.

I put this on Facebook, but I'm also putting it here, so forgive the redundancy. But this is my play on Walt's famous speech to his wife Skylar, when she thinks Walt's in danger of being hurt or killed. This is my speech: "You clearly don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not IN danger of being played. I AM the danger. I AM the player. Someone knocks on my door and pretends to bear his soul and be all vulnerable and meek, and he get's shot down in flames, and you think that of ME? No. I'M the one who knocks...."

That's me. Right there. I'm not in danger, I AM the danger. I play nice, and have made some decent friends out there, so I will not say EVERYONE is bad. But a good 90% of them? Bad news. Fucked up. Crazy. Certifiable. And also, really, really gullible and underestimating of me. I'm gonna be graphic here, so hide your blushing eyes, my fellow friends, if you don't like stark truths about what lurks online. I had one man try and 'woo' me by commanding I show him naked pictures of myself. Oh hell no. And I said as much. And he comes back with, "You filthy little slut, do what I ask, or I'll bend you over and spank you." Charming, eh? I TOTALLY blame Fifty Shades of Grey for this kind of disturbing dirty talk. He expected me to be all meek and subservient and like Ana Steele and be like, "Oh yes, Master, whatever you want!" But I told him very plainly, "If anyone is getting spanked, it's you. You will do as I say, and if you say anything I don't like, I will punish you. You are my dog. And Puppy has been very bad speaking to me that way. Say you're sorry." And you know what happened? He bowed down to me and said he was sorry, and wanted my punishment. Eww. Yuck. People are so weird. But I went along. For fun. And I had this guy offering to lick my boots (that I don't even own) and bark for me like the dog I called him. 

I bet none of you expected me to do that huh? It's hilarious, isn't it? I'm SO not into that kink, but I pretended just so he'd know who was actually in control. And that was ME. Another guy begged for a pic and I said, "Nah, you don't interest me." He was sincerely insulted and described himself to me, in detail, and asked if I wanted his pic. I said, "Nope, sorry. You're too tall." He then gets angry and sends me his damn photo anyway. And then is like, "Aha! I dare you not to fuck me right now!" Meh, he was skinny and not that great. So I just said, "You look okay." This angered the man beast and he was like, "Just OKAY? You don't think I'm hot?" and I said, "Nah, not really." He became livid with me and was like, "You can't be serious!" And I told him, "Sorry dude, you're skinny and too tall." And he leaves me with a parting gift of, "You're fucking crazy! You're a bitch!" Really? Thanks. I wear that as a badge of honor. Was I supposed to lie to him? He was barely medium cute, and skinny as a rail! Not interested. And the pic was unasked for. So take your lumps like a man, you little sissy girl. 

And tonight, well tonight was special. See, there was this guy I briefly saw for a bit. Thought he was nice, etc. He seemed a rare one. So he got a chance. And I liked him. But not too much. Let's not get romantic here. It was purely attraction, with no promise of exclusivity on either of our parts. It was fun. Then he started to act oddly and ignore me, etc. And when I finally confronted him, he said he met someone else and liked them too, and was trying to decide between us. Yada, yada, yada. Too much drama and commitment for me, and I personally think he already had a girlfriend he didn't disclose. But whatever. I just told him to make it simple. Pick her. Forget me. End of story. Goodbye. And then I posted on Whisper and said, "I knew you'd end up disappointing me, that's why I didn't get attached. Thanks for nothing." Was that a little passive aggressive? Kinda. Did I say something mean and horrible? No. Did I mention his name? No. Did I call him rude things? No. But he fucking sees this post and immediately flips out on me and starts calling me every name in the book. So I lied and said it wasn't me. Stupid? Yeah. But I had changed my screen name to something he didn't know, and I thought he couldn't reasonably prove that was my post. 

Boy was I wrong! He spent FOUR hours scouring this app, searching for evidence that this was me. And it's not an easy task. You cannot search user names, or subjects, or anything of the sort. You'd have to literally scroll through THOUSANDS of posts and read each one and check the user name, to find this shit out. And he DID that. What a fucking loon! And he presents me with the 'evidence' and I'm like, "Fine, I said it! So what? It wasn't even that bad!" And he starts calling me more names, etc, so I blocked him on my phone and on Whisper and I think it's done. Then he starts posting mean shit about me on Whisper, which I just ignored (and largely so did everyone else). Then it stopped. But tonight? Oh tonight, he obviously made a whole new account to stalk me with. 

I posted like a month ago, that I had a good idea for a screenplay and was excited because maybe one day I would be famous for my writing. And suddenly tonight, someone out of the blue, messages me about that OLD AS SHIT post that would take HOURS to find, and starts telling me I'm a terrible writer and a fame whore and that I suck. And that he's a real writer and I'm obviously a naive piece of shit. But what gave him away was, he said, "If you wanted to be famous, you don't tell someone your plot line." And the only person who knew my plot idea was my brother and this lovely asshole I was involved with before. So I asked, "How did you know my plot?" He ignored that, and continued to berate me and belittle me, wherein I gave as good as I got. Then I said, "Bill, I know it's you. Fuck off." And he responds with, "No, you fuck off!" Never denying or asking why I called him by name. Hmm, curious huh? So I proceeded to tell him, "You've been blocked asshole. AGAIN!" and blocked him.

Now see, this man was a writer. A really bad one. He let me read his work and it was just awful. He full on ripped off the entire plot line to Harry Potter in one story, but changed names and certain circumstances, but otherwise, it was LITERALLY Harry Potter. And I called him on it. To which, he claimed my writing was just bad altogether, when he'd previously told me it was very excellent and wonderful. How quickly he changed his tune, once I didn't like his work. Can't take honest criticism, little man? Then stop writing. Because you will be critiqued, and called out for downright plagiarism! And then suddenly tonight, some mysterious writer guy tells me my work is shit and I'm a fame whore and I suck, when he's supposedly a complete stranger? And I wrote that post a MONTH AGO!! 

Do not fuck with me, people. I will win. And I won't cry over your insults or feel bad about myself. I know my faults. I own up to them. I often point them out before others can do so. But am I worthless piece of shit? Hell no. I rock. I'm awesome. No one's perfect, but I'm a pretty fucking cool person. And just because I know that, doesn't make me conceited or full of myself, it just means, I possess a self esteem. And that's healthy. I didn't used to own one of those. So believe me when I say, this is not a bad. It's a good. I'm honest about my faults, but I also acknowledge my awesomeness. Lots and lots of people dislike this. Because it means they can't destroy you so easily. And you'd be surprised at how many random people want to simply destroy a person because they think they're weak. Well, if they prey on me, they'll be sorry.

I have been through SO much shit in my life, most of you don't even know the half of it. And I'm still standing. And I'm stronger for it. But that doesn't mean I'm dead inside. I can love, if not wisely. And I care a lot for certain people in my life, and would do anything for them. And I cherish my true friends. And I love my mom. And my brother. And my son. And hell, I still love my ex, even if it's not romantic love. I still care. But these people trying to fuck with me? These strangers? No. I don't care. And I won't care. You will have to be a hell of a person to make me fucking care. Man or woman. Take your pick. You gotta be pretty fucking special before I'll let my guard down and actually open my heart. Right now, I'm ruthless. But I don't have to be. Not if you're the right person. But so far, that person doesn't exist in my world, and I'm dealing with losers. And I shall treat them as such.

So do you guys respect me? Hate me? Think I'm a cold hearted bitch? Do you disapprove of me playing games, with those who try to play me? Or am I justified here? I call it self preservation and also entertainment. I get a hoot out of some of these assholes. But like I said, treat me well, and I treat you well. Is that so hard to comprehend? If you're gonna play a game with me, I will win it. Ask my ex. He knows I always win at every game we ever played, to the point I think he wanted to throw the game boards across the room....lol Don't play a player. You won't win. And until then, I await the day when my prince or princess charming shows their face. I'm not picky. Either, or. But you better fucking be worth it, or else my inner Walter White will show it's face. And you know he'll straight up blow you up or dissolve you in a vat of acid or just shoot you. So don't play with me. Capiche? Okay, back to your life now. Nothing more to see here, except I need to get that pizza off my roof...