I'm With The Band....

When I was 14 I read the book, I'm With The Band. A story of a woman who was a groupie for all sorts of bands from the 60's and 70's and I decided this was gonna be my life too. I went so far as to send fan mail to bands and send sexy pics of myself to Bret Michaels of Poison fame. I was determined to be a groupie. Now who would really want to be a groupie? Their lives are kind of sad and silly. But I wanted it to be me because it seemed glamorous to me at 14. I ended up buying tickets to all the Poison concerts I could find and I even bought a teddy bear with a t-shirt on it that said I Love Bret and I threw it on stage. I know he got it because I was front and center and he picked it up and smiled at me. That was probably my shining moment. And it was as close to the band as I'd ever get. I never really got my groupie off the ground. Perhaps because I was so young? I wouldn't have even known what to do if I got backstage! But I was still determined to try.

The concerts were something that I lived for, but I had some interesting experiences at them. At the aforementioned Poison concert someone punched me in the back really super hard, so I reeled around and punched a dude in the face. Like straight up punched the shit out of him and he didn't know what to do. He wasn't going to hit a girl I guess, so he just got his girlfriend to get in my face and I was like, "bitch please!" And I shoved her back, and the next thing I knew everyone was fighting in the pit. I caused this mayhem. Oops. My bad. I just laughed though and kept rocking out as I moved away from the melee and onto a better spot to stand.

At another concert I was with some friends and my friend Sara got trampled by a crowd and lost her white Ked shoe. She was okay as I pulled her out of the pit, but her shoe was gone. We couldn't find it. And it resurfaced later on when some idiot threw it on the stage and hit Bret Michaels in the face with it! We were like, "OMG your shoe just hit Bret in the face!" So exciting. Of course he was pissed and stopped the show and was like, "WTF you assholes?!" But we just screamed, "That's our shoe!" And he threw it back into the crowd. But no, we never saw that shoe again after it's short lived brush with fame.

Shortly after the shoe incident, I got lost in the crowd away from my friends. I couldn't find any of them and ended up behind this dude who was smoking pot. Now I was 14 and had never smoked weed before. I'd never even seen it at this point of my life (my corruption came when I was 15...) But I had no idea what was going on, except I suspected it was pot. I wasn't an imbecile. It didn't smell like a cigarette. But my mistake was when he'd exhale it, the cloud of smoke would go right in my face and I'd breathe in and hold my breath so as not to get it in my lungs. Brilliant move, eh? Little did I realize, I was actually re-smoking his pot cloud and I have never been so high before. It was my first time. And I didn't even know what was happening to me.

I just knew I was fucking high as a kite. And I was lost in a  huge arena and couldn't find my friends. I was dressed in a leopard print jumpsuit (I know, I know....but I wanted to get back stage!) So I'm in this trashy outfit and I'm young and blonde and pretty and all these fucking men kept asking me if I needed help as I wandered around the arena looking for my friend Sara, but I didn't even know where we were originally standing. I had to fend off all these wannabe rockers, while stoned, until I found my friend David. I didn't even know he was there, but I was like, "OMG, bless you David!" and I hung onto him for dear life and begged him to help me find Sara. He was her neighbor and I was staying at her house so I figured if nothing else, I'd just go home with him and meet her later. I wasn't exactly thinking straight.

But David helped me find the entrance and the concert had ended by this time. So we waited and waited until Sara finally came out because she'd been looking for me. We all hugged and life was good, but forget about going backstage. I couldn't even stand up! This was pretty much our car ride home with Sara's mom driving us. With me singing along to the radio and wondering if anyone could tell I was high out of my mind. Probably. I didn't want to tell anyone though, but I'm pretty sure David knew. It was one of the best nights of my life. But my love of hair metal ended about a year later and I gave up that quest. I never got to be a groupie. But I did see some amazing concerts and I have some great stories to tell, I wish I was 14 again.....

I was a Dead Head once....

It was the summer of 91 and I had tickets to a Grateful Dead show. I was seventeen years old and so into hippie shit that I tye dyed my sheets and my entire room to match. I was WAY into it and wished I was born in the era when I could have been touring with the Grateful Dead in the 60's. But they were still going strong in the early nineties too. There were never a shortage of people who wanted to live that lifestyle. So I went to the concert and the before show was way more intense than the actual show. There were aisles and aisles of hippies selling jewelry and shirts and pot brownies and tickets. Anything you could want. And there were 5000 VW's of various types to be found. I fit right in. I had my own beaded jewelry I wanted to sell, but I kept getting hassled by cops to move and stop trying to sell shit. Which I thought was weird given how many people were walking around selling pot brownies.

There were also the people who didn't have tickets and wanted them and were holding signs saying, "I want a miracle!" and they wanted tickets. But I wasn't giving up my tickets. I think they cost me $17 back in the day. What a change from today! But I was in love with the scene. I just kept walking around and marveling at everything. There were young people like me there, and also old people who you knew had never gotten over their obsession from the 1960's. I saw naked women walking around like it was nothing, and naked men just hanging out on blankets. Everyone was insane. And the cops really stayed out of most of it. Just circling the crowds and telling me to stop selling, while everyone else did the same exact thing I was trying to do! But fuck the police. It was a love in. And they had no place there. I felt like I'd been transported back in time. I was finally able to live my dream. Being a part of a Dead concert. They didn't have bucket lists back then, but if I had one, this one would have been on it. I am SO thrilled I got to see them before Jerry Garcia passed a few years later.

The actual concert is rather a blur, but I remember being shot with water cannons filled with LSD and everything got fuzzy after that. People were everywhere and it was so peaceful and I remember dancing to Sugar Magnolia and just being in my own little world. I wanted to remember it all, but it's sadly not in my head anymore. I was buzzed out of my mind on drugs and I don't recall a lot of it. Except the feeling. I was fucking in heaven. All my life I wanted to experience the 60's and this was my shot. It didn't disappoint. I just wish I remembered more. But I still have the t-shirt I bought and I still have the tote bag I got from some vendor out in the parking lot. When people ask me about it I tell them I got it at a Dead concert and no one believes me. I guess I don't look old enough. But I am! I was there! I experienced it. And I'll never forget it. At least the parts I can remember....

This life is REAL...

I saw something last night posted on my Facebook that said, "Do you ever just sit and realize that life is real and you're real and get depressed?" And it just struck me as such a profound thought. Like this shit that happens every single day is actually REAL. The good and the bad, and there's no plan to follow or instructions to read, you just exist somehow and it's really fucking weird.

And what do people do in their spare time? They either read about or watch other people's fake lives and call it entertainment. It's like our own lives are usually very dull so we look to actors and actresses and authors to paint us pictures of lives we wish were real and that's how we pass time. Not living our own boring lives, but watching FAKE lives of people we don't know.

We can't even sleep without dreaming of fake lives. It's like our brain HAS to be occupied with some sort of living life to watch or partake in even when we're sleeping. Dreams can be meaningful, fun, weird, scary, or just plain nonsensical, and yet most of us would rather sleep and dream than get out of bed in the morning. My mind dreams up way more interesting things for my life, that's for sure. And then when you stop to think about it, how do we know what's real and what's a dream? I mean, I think this is really me typing this, but what if dreams are the real life, and this is just fantasy? True, I should be able to fantasize better than writing a blog, but what if I can't? What if this is my dream, and the dream I thought I had last night was the real life? How does a person actually know?

And what if none of this has any meaning at all? What are we even doing here? Is there a God, and if so, what's the point of all this? I mean, some people do great things in life and are humanitarians and such. But what of the rest of us who don't do anything but just exist. What is the point of a life? What purpose do I even serve in the cosmic universe of fate? When I die, no one's going to care that much. I didn't leave my stamp on the world. I never amounted to anything special. And I'm not rich nor famous. I'll have a few family members who will mourn me, but life will go on like I never existed. And what will be the point? Like what am I alive for? Why am I real? Why is this life real? And what am I supposed to do with it? I have no idea.

Now don't mistake this post for me saying I don't want to be alive. Not true. I just sometimes wonder why am I alive?? Like what's the reason? And some people will say so we can grow or learn lessons or whatever, but I'm all done learning and growing. I'm ready for some actual purpose. I don't even have any real friends or anyone to share my life with. So I'm just this solitary creature that just exists in a world that mostly sucks and I far prefer my dreams. So yes, original Facebook poster, I do get depressed when I realize that this life is real, and I'm real and all of this is really happening. Or is it? Hmmm.....

Let Me Fly

And so they all sought to capture her heart and her spirit, but she had little time or patience for them. She knew not how this disaffected nature would make them feel, but she couldn't help herself. She was alone for most of her days and while the beast of loneliness occasionally reared it's head, she was happy to be free of the burdens of other people and their expectations. She didn't worry about what anyone else thought, because there wasn't anyone else. At least in her mind.

People reached out for her, and she let their hands slip through her fingertips. She needed to have her hands free and not bound to this or that person. She had to spread her wings and fly, even if it meant leaving all she knew in the rear view mirror. She just wanted her freedom. And she was both happy and sad and scared and exhilarated all at once.
Let me be free. Don't try to clip my wings.
I'm sorry if you got hurt, but it's high time
I look out for me instead of always looking
out for everyone else. And if this makes me
a loner, then so shall it be. For I need not any
other people in my life. I travel worlds in my
mind, and live many lives. Perhaps they're all
better than the real life, so that's where she wants
to dwell? She doesn't want anyone else to bring
her back to reality. She's better in a dream.

That's where she's happy. She sometimes dreams
a wall around herself. No one else can get in.
She says things to people that she doesn't
often mean, just so they can feel important.
But the truth is, no one is really that important
anymore. And no one has penetrated her walls
enough to touch anything resembling her heart.
Though several have tried. She won't let the
guard down.

So leave her be and let her be alone. She knows
not how to behave around others any more. She
only knows peace in solitude. She is her own best
friend. She flies alone at midnight and swoops
over the land and keeps going. Forever. And ever.
The End.

My awesome vacation story....

As many of you know I just got back from a vacation to Los Angeles to see Universal Studios and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. It was an amazing experience! But let's tell a proper story, shall we? It first started out with a plane ride. I've been on lots of planes in my day, but I haven't flown since right after 9/11 so it's been awhile. Things have changed a lot. They have those full body scanners now at the airport and you have to take off your shoes and such, then walk into this tube while you hold your hands up over your head. I honestly felt like Katniss Everdeen standing in the tube to rise up into the Hunger Games arena. But since I'm not a terrorist, I easily passed through the scanner and got my shit back and it was time to go wait for the plane.

The flight was uneventful and I must say California is one of the ugliest states ever from the air. Nothing but squares of farmland and hideously ugly mountains that look like camels backs. Not a tree in sight or any water or any houses or anything at all. Literally the most boring scenery out the window, which didn't stop me from staring out it the whole time. I'm not the best flier and used to really worry a lot that I'd crash. I just kept thinking I was on Lost and I looked at the other passengers wondering which ones might survive with me and be stranded on an island together. Which is crazy since there is no water nor islands in California, but this is how my brain works. We landed safely in Burbank and it was a mile walk to the car rental place. Then we got the car (a Dodge Dart) and headed off to the hotel.

I've never really used the GPS navigation in my phone because I literally never leave my tiny town so I don't need it. So it was my maiden voyage using it. It's really helpful! Damn. How the hell did I used to drive places that were unknown without this shit? I don't remember. But we made it to the hotel and it was awesome. We saw the shit holes that I'd seen on Priceline when I was booking rooms, and I'm so glad I picked the best hotel because the other ones were downright scary and still cost almost as much as the Hilton. I sprung an extra $200 to stay there instead of this flea bag, and it was well worth it. I don't even think hookers and crack heads would stay in the motel I originally booked. It was THAT bad. But the Hilton is fucking swanky and amazing and I felt like a celebrity. In fact the desk clerk guy was like, "You a big Harry Potter fan?" as he sees my Slytherin t-shirt. And I said yes, so he tells me to come stand over in this other spot and he's like, "That's where Rupert Grint was standing recently." I was like, "No way!" And he said, "way!" And explained how exciting it was for the cast of Harry Potter to stay at the hotel. Obviously he was a a fan too.

Unfortunately no one famous was around on my stay though. But our room was not ready when we got there, which was a huge bummer. I was tired and just wanted to check in. I had three different people all looking for a room to give us and nothing was ready so we had to wait. Then my mom, who is incredibly impatient, got it in her head to demand a fucking room. So she pesters the original guy again and is acting like we're big shots or something (which obviously we're not) and she managed to get us a room available. Don't ask me how she did it because I had no luck. But I think they gave us someone else's room because it was on the 18th floor and super nice. Down pillows and comforters and an amazing view of the park. Hogwarts was right in front of me and I was dying of anticipation to visit it. But we had to wait until the next day.

So we went to this place called the Universal City Walk, which is like a shopping and dining promenade. They have huge neon lights and it's like Time's Square or something. We ate dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. which was excellent. If you ever go there, eat the shrimp macaroni and cheese appetizer. YUMMMMMMY! And then we went shopping for stuff and spent money before even getting inside the park. But I saw some cool shit I wish I could have gotten. They had this 12 inch tall Severus Snape action figurine casting his patronus that I REALLY wanted. Except it was almost $300. A little too rich for my blood, so I passed. But it was awesome.

Then we went back to the hotel and I ordered wine from room service. I HAD to get room service because it's so much fun to do. And I ordered two glasses (my mom doesn't drink) and I pretended I was sharing the bottle when the guy came to open it and pour it for me. Then as soon as he left, I dumped glass number one into glass number two and drank the whole bottle myself. What? It's vacation! I slept pretty well that night and we got up early for the park the next day. We get there and it's packed, which surprised me since it's a Monday in October, but I guess it was Columbus Day. Boo. Who cares about that? But it made it more crowded. It didn't deter me. I tried to play it cool when we got inside and act like we could look at other shit, but I was dying to just run straight to  Harry Potter World. So that's almost what I did. I booked it past the rest of the shit and went straight to Hogsmeade.

Just seeing the sign made me want to jump up and down with delight. And then we entered the land of my people. The Potterheads. And it was brilliant. Such attention to detail in every shop window. All the employees were in Hogwarts robes with their house colors and there was Butterbeer carts everywhere and pumpkin juice and Gilly water, which I'm assuming is like Gilly weed. Either way, I had to get everything. I SO wanted to eat at the Three Broomsticks, but my mom didn't want to. So we didn't go in there :-( Same with Ollivanders wand shop. There was a line that lasted for an hour just to get in there, and 95% of the people were just little kids. I felt stupid wanting to get my own wand done, so I settled for an outdoor cart that sold just the wands of the characters. I HAD to get Snape's wand. And it was so cool and funny because I picked it out and then they escorted me to a spot behind the cart and had me hold the wand and wave it around and explained to me how I wasn't allowed to use unforgivable curses with it and I had to be careful the spells I did. I was in a good magic zone, and I needed to promise to heed that advice. I dutifully said I'd be good, so they gave me the wand. Well, they didn't GIVE it to me, I fucking paid a lot of money for it. But it was well worth it!

Then I HAD to ride the Forbidden Journey, which was inside Hogwarts castle. The wait time the first day was an hour and my mom was unable to ride with me, so she waited and I got in line and it was so fantastic inside the castle I was beside myself. Like other people were just like, "La-la-la, big deal...." and I was like, "OMFG this is amazing!!!" And I kept taking pictures and giggling and just looking at it all with wide eyed wonder. Talking portraits, the Fat Lady asking for passwords, the Mirror of Erised, House point meters (Gryffindor was winning dammit of course but Slytherin was second!) and then you entered Dumbledores office and there was this holographic video of him talking to us about the school. And then the next room had a hologram video of Harry, Ron and Hermione telling us about the important journey we had to take and what we had to do. We had to meet them in the Room of Requirement. Then you finally get to the ride itself and you have to run on a moving walkway to jump into the car.

Your legs are dangling free and they give you 3D glasses to wear and then you're off. It was such an incredible experience because it literally felt like you were flying a broom. We were flying around the castle and through the Quidditch pitch and Draco was there with Ron and Harry. And we flew and got chased by a dragon and then the Dementors showed up and Harry cast his patronus to save us. And I was laughing and screaming and cheering the entire ride. I was like a little kid honestly. Nothing has made me this happy in a long ass time. It was worth the hour long wait to me. There was so much stuff to see inside the castle during the wait, that it didn't even feel like a queue. It felt like part of the ride too.

Then there was another HP ride called Flight of the Hippogriff. It was a family friendly coaster that was really short and not near as exciting, but my mom could go on that one. We rode that the second day, three times. The wait was non-existent and one time they asked us if we wanted to just stay on and ride again, so we did. It was fun, but not as much as the other one. Unfortunately the LA Wizarding World is still fairly new so it's missing a lot of attractions and things that they have in Orlando, but it's still amazing. And I never thought I'd get to go. So I was like a kid in a candy store. Everyone was showing their house pride, people all had wands with them, and robes and t-shirts and hats and it was the biggest group of Potterheads I've ever seen in one place. It was like being with family, you know?

Of course there are other things to see at Universal. Fun things. We saw an animal show where they happened to have an owl from Harry Potter. Beautiful bird! And then lots of dogs and cats and guinea pigs and birds, etc. All animal actors. Then there was this special effects show. It was honestly kind of boring, but this creepy weird guy was hitting on my mom and kept trying to hold her hand and hug her and weird shit like that. And when it was over, we tried to get away from him fast, but he hugged us both and he's like, "you've got a great mother!" and I was like, "I know, thanks. Bye!!" and I literally almost ran away from him. Creeper! My mom was wigged out too. Then we saw him later and he's like wanting us to go on the Walking Dead tour with him or something and we're like, nope, and took off fast before he could catch up.

But speaking of the Walking Dead, that was a fun tour. It's not a ride, per say. It's a walking tour. But it's like the show and then real zombie people jump out and chase you and shit. It was SO scary! But I love being scared. I don't even watch the show and I loved the experience. It's like a really cool haunted house or something. Then we went on the studio backlot tour. They were filming some TV show I don't remember which, but there were hot sets everywhere and we had to be quiet during those parts. But then they have this 3D King Kong and Jurassic Park portion of the tour. The tour tram gets all knocked around and it looks like you're being attacked by dinosaurs and King Kong. They even spit water at you and stuff. It was a lot of fun.

Once the day wound down we went back to the hotel and decided to eat the buffet they had. Never again! I thought it'd be like $25 a person or something, but when I got the bill it was a $100 for two people! Holy shit! Back home you could get some seriously amazing food for half that price. If I had known how much it cost, I would have like taken prime rib and shoved it in my purse for later or something. It was the most expensive meal we had and it wasn't even that great. Then my mom went to bed and I went to the hotel lounge and drank overpriced Long Island Iced teas while everyone around me watched baseball. I was just on Facebook and trying to ignore the screams and hollering of everyone else because I hate baseball. Or sports in general. Except Quidditch! I'd cheer for that.

Anyways, the second day at the park was less awe inspiring only because I'd been there already. But I still wanted to spent most of my time in Hogsmeade and I rode the Forbidden Journey three times because the wait was only 10 minutes this time. And I bought WAY too many souvenirs and spent all my money, but it was so worth it. I wanted to get more, but I just couldn't. Not only was I running out of money, but it wouldn't fit in my suitcase! So I'm sorry no one got any souvenirs but I went way overboard, and then I bought my mom a Hogwarts jacket even though she doesn't even know a thing about Harry Potter. She really wanted it, so at least now she looks cool with it on.

Overall, the trip was spectacular. Everything was just like I dreamed it would be, and I wish I was still there! I know this is a long read, so thank you if you made it to the end. But I just wanted to share my experience with everyone. I never get to do fun things, so this was really meaningful to me. And I'm glad I got to share it with my mom. She took me on so many wonderful vacations when I was growing up, so I was happy to give her a vacation, on me, this time. I hope she had as much fun as I did. And I know I'll never forget it. If any of you out there get the chance to go to Universal and happen to be a Potterhead, you're in for a real treat! I can't wait to go again someday. A girl can dream...

Working for a man who doesn't know my name, who makes me wear a uniform so everybody looks the same....

As most of you know, I work in a convenience store gas station. It's a real glamorous life, let me tell you. But I got some comfort knowing that on Supernatural Castiel worked at a Gas-n-Sip when he was human. If it's good enough for him, it's good enough for me, right? But let me tell you some tales about what it's like to work there. I've done this before, but there's always something new. Like for instance I HATE the Slurpee machine. It makes a huge mess and no one ever does it right. It's a disaster waiting to happen.

This picture is a true story. Slurpee everywhere! And who has to clean it up? Moi. When I see customers going for the machine I want to kill them, or hold their hand through the process so that the picture on the right doesn't become a reality. But more often than not, this ---> is my life. You wouldn't think you'd need a degree in Slurpee making to pour one of these drinks, but trust me, you do. They shouldn't be left to wayward customers to handle.

Then you get the people who hand you money in wads they pulled out of their asses it seems. It's usually damp or wet with butt sweat and it's disgusting. And they expect me to count it out for them and half the time they walk out of the store before I'm even done. They're like, "I want this on pump 7" and run out the door. And then they get mad when the pump isn't set in three seconds. They need a good slap to the head. Please don't store your money in wads in your ass. We don't want that money, okay? Same goes for shoving it in your bra. I don't need to feel your boob sweat on my hands, thank you very much.

This happened to a co-worker of mine, but we also don't want your old shoes either. So please don't hand them to us and say we can have them. WTF are we going to do with your old skanky shoe? This shouldn't even be in the customer rule book, it should just be common sense. But apparently my work is a common sense free zone. He was new on the job and thought we were pranking him when some old woman gave him her shoes to keep. Sadly it wasn't a prank, though it would have been a funny one!

Also don't be a creeper and take pictures of us while we're working. Or worse yet, take a selfie with us without our permission just because you're a creeper and wish you were going out with us. We don't like it. We aren't monkey's at the zoo. We're doing a job and don't appreciate you whipping out your camera phone and taking a selfie with us, while saying how hot we are. Eww. Go away. This actually happened to one of my co-workers. Luckily it didn't happen to me. But now I'm the only one who will wait on him, because everyone else hides from the creeper. Guess I'm not his type. But he does call me baby which isn't cute. He actually asked my co-worker if she wanted to be naughty. *barfs* So yeah, please keep your weirdness a secret from us. We don't want it near us.

So that's a glimpse of my work life. And the saying is true, there is a Supernatural gif for everything.

Three lies and a truth...

I wanna play a little game just to see who actually reads this blog. Some of you may know me personally, and others may not. But it's a little game I like to call THREE LIES AND A TRUTH. And what I'll do is make four statements and only one of them is true. You have to answer which one is the true statement. I'm betting even those who know me personally won't get them all right. That's the fun of this game. To see who really knows you. Okay let's go!

I am fluent in German
I speak conversational Spanish
I know enough French to get me by
I know nothing about other languages

I have twelve tattoos
I have six tattoos
I have 1 tattoo
I have no tattoos

I never lie about my age
I always lie about my age
I sometimes tell people I'm older than I am
I sometimes tell people I'm younger than I am

I am 5'6"
I am 5'11"
I am 5'2"
I am the same height as I was when I was 8

I got my first cell phone a few years ago
I got my first cell phone when they first became popular
I had a car phone when literally no one else did
I don't have  a cell phone

I can type with my eyes closed
I type with one hand
I am a very slow typer
I learned to type when I was eight

I have never done a drug in my life
I routinely dabble in drugs
I smoke pot sometimes
I used to be an addict but have been clean for years now

My favorite food is sushi
My favorite food is fish and chips
My favorite food is Mexican
My favorite food is Thai

I have traveled through each of the 50 states
I have traveled through over half of the fifty states
I have never left California
I have traveled overseas

My favorite music is Country
My favorite music is Alternative
My favorite music is Classic Rock
My favorite music is Rap

I've seen a UFO
I don't believe in UFO's
I thought I saw something, but it was an airplane
I have been abducted by aliens before

The place I want to see before I die is Paris
The place I want to see before I die is Disneyland
The place I want to see before I die is Harry Potter World
The place I want to see before I die is the Grand Canyon

Alright folks. Who wants to play? Write your answers in the comments!